Whilst not wishing for a happy new year can seem pessimistic, it is an opportunity for us to develop both personally and spiritually. 

Don’t get me wrong, I WISH the sentiment of a happy new year would give me the happiness and dream life I wish for.  This past year has been one of the toughest. I went through a bad break up, battled PTSD and my Dad has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  As odd as it sounds, despite all of this; I don’t wish for next year to be happier, or want to turn my back on this past year, and here is why:

1. To love yourself is to accept yourself; through the good and the bad.

In wedding vows we commit to love someone, in sickness and in health, and for better or for worse. Yet, when I was having a bad day I found myself criticising myself, or absorbing myself in overworking, vying for the attention of toxic people who didn’t have the capacity to support me, or other self sabotaging behaviours.

It’s been a process, but slowly I’ve learnt to accept me, all of me; which includes the bad days.  I’ve developed (and continue to develop) tools and personal strategies to help me through the bad days, as an example what works for me is; sleep, a walk, wrap myself in a comfy blanket, ambient music and speaking with people who have the capacity to support me unconditionally.

Throughout the year we are likely to experience all the emotions, not just happiness, and that’s okay.  

2. Growth and resilience comes from challenging times, not just being happy all the time.

Whilst not easy, some of our biggest lessons can come from challenging times and from making mistakes. 

I was reminded of this only this year, when in December I learnt the news my Dad has cancer.  A close and treasured friend told me that even in midst of the pain, there was opportunity for growth. Whilst I was hesitant to accept this, already I am noticing personal growth which has included; asking for help (which I’ve never been able to do), setting boundaries by saying “no” when I’ve been overwhelmed, or over committing myself, and by surrounding myself only with people who are good for me, and who aren’t toxic or energy zapping.  These hard times have helped me to continue to love myself and do what I need to get through.

None of us know what each year will bring us, and if I’m honest it scares me not knowing what the year will bring.   We can gain reassurance knowing that even if it’s not a “happy” new year, whatever we go through will provide us with invaluable life lessons and resilience on our journeys of growth and self love.

3. Setting goals rather than resolutions.

As long as I can remember, new year has been a time to look back on the year, and think of what we can do better the following year.  The word resolution by definition; an action to solve a problem, is steeped in negativity, where the aim is to fix something.  Resolutions can be doomed to fail: it’s hard to motivate ourselves to take action when it has originated from feeling a failure!

Instead of resolutions and as part of everyday life, we have the opportunity to instead use goal setting (or intentions).  The goals we set should come from a place of love, focusing on what is important to us, and what we want for a fulfilling life.

Setting goals has allowed me to take realistic and achievable action,without boxing me into commitments I can’t keep.  Take as an example a goal to be fitter and healthier (and yes I admit losing weight).  Going to the gym more often as a resolution simply isnt achievable.  Whilst setting a resolution to go to the gym might seem a good idea, at times when I’m burnt out, the healthier option is to actually take care of myself by sleeping, rather than to train and risk injury/ sickness from burnout.

We can make a resolution to not make resolutions!

4. Grounding ourselves in the present moment is less overwhelming than wondering what the whole New Year will bring. 

We can often live our lives so focused on the past and future, that we can fail to take in the beauty of the present moment.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt this year is to take things a day at a time.  On really bad days, that has even meant living hour by hour or even minute by minute.  In response to my PTSD I used to try to control everything that happens in my life, in order to remain safe.  Imagine how overwhelming New Year can be, focusing on a year when you don’t know what will happen, and that you don’t have control over.  This year as I sat thinking of what the New Year would bring, it was overwhelming and became TOO MUCH. I rang a close friend and wept on the verge of a pain attack.  

We don’t need to worry about what will happen in a year. When we learn to slow down, ground ourselves in the present moment, and focus on our breath, we are able to truly appreciate life and gain abundance. 

Whatever you choose as your ritual as one year ends and one year begins, I hope the reflections come from a place of love and compassion.