Motherhood catapulted me into my spiritual awakening journey… no warning, no signs… nothing and it’s been quite the journey … navigating through this space of self healing, while guiding a little being.

I got pregnant in the year 2016, the same year I migrated from my home country, Jamaica. It was a year of a whole lot of shifts. Here, in a totally new country, new environment, new culture… new way of living and a totally new way of being outside of how I was brought up, I found myself questioning a lot of things- this was the beginning of me “Awakening“.

I always had a fear-based mental program running within surrounding the darker realities of getting pregnant outside of the ‘societally accepted age bracket’…  basically I was afraid of getting pregnant young (and those teen mom episodes didn’t help, lol). I saw myself failing, never amounting to anything and quite simply put, being a bum… maybe even walking around, homeless. It’s crazy the images we create in our minds when that disease called fear is living within, when we have been programmed to believe there is only one path to our happiness and success. We become so attached to our lives going exactly how we believe it should and freak out if anything happens outside of our ‘perfect plans’.

This constant negative way of thinking eventually led to me having really bad depression during the early parts of my pregnancy. I was in a very dark place… I even wrote a poem- actually quite a few- expressing how I felt as if I had fallen to the bottom of a dark ditch, and was lying there bruised, bleeding, weak and unable to get up.

My first experience of the divine powers that become available to a womban when she accepts the role of being mother, and opens herself up to a path of healing, came when I got a vision of my daughter calling to me. “Get up mommy, get up for me, I need you.” As I laid there, cheeks wet from tears, eyes weary and closing … I pictured a little girl calling to me- it was Malayah, my daughter.

Malayah translates to freedom. She is my divine catalyst on my self-healing journey- a journey of freeing my true self in this world of illusions.

From that day on- or more accurately, somewhere around that time- I decided to start fighting for my  healing… for my peace. No more would I- no… no more could I allow other people’s opinions of me to define me… no more could I allow my subconscious mindset to control me… no more could I think so little of myself just because I didn’t stick to the path of familiarity. 

This realization or ‘awakening’ led me to yoga, back to journaling and eventually right back into the arms of myself… my higher self... a me that was unaffected by the laws of man and rather, defined by God. 

Malayah is now, almost, 19 whole freaking months and as I sit here in, Ocho Rios, Jamaica, still in the midst of shifts and these unexpected chapters of life, I feel a peace and calm that, in years past- considering how much energy I now balance as a mother, wife and budding entrepreneur- I would be struggling with. This coming to a place of calm in the middle of my personal storms took years of falling, failing, crying and digging to uncover and I am still not done… shit, honestly I feel like I’m still just getting started on this path of ‘Awakening’.

Returning to Jamaica, for the second time since leaving, has been an opportunity to confront my childhood limiting beliefs. I see the effects of slavery formed mentalities in the quality of our relationships in the Caribbean. I see it in the mother-daughter relationships, I see it in our tourism, I see it in the way our people hustle and rob from one another, I see it in the way we undervalue ourselves. These slavery influenced mental programmings are still running.

As I awaken through motherhood, I awaken to my ancestors’ energies, I awaken to truth, I awaken to purpose, I awaken to a mission that is so much bigger than me… its not even about me. I… nah- we are just channels for the Divine. Our experiences allow us to feel and see using our inner guidance systems so that we may transcend the energies of limitation and tap in to our powers of creation and create a world, a society, a reality that will truly support the growth of our babies.

Malayah, my love child… my freedom, has been just as much a guide to me, as I am to her. As we journey through Jamaica… through life… we push one another to tap in to that which is unseen, to connect on a deeper level, forcing me to peel back layers of scabs formed over wounds— forcing us, parents to heal… to remember our divine essence.

How blessed am I- are we, parents, to be on this journey, to be able to not only guide our babies, toddlers… our children but, also,  journey back to ourselves.

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