For my sensitive beings, the lovers and seekers of honesty. This one is for you….

Digging on existence unravels so many questions. When you truly have irrefutable answers to all these facets in your life something comes along, grab’s your psych, and shake’s it. And if you’re not digging on existence what are you doing? Living in a world strictly held together by preconceptions, prejudices, and prevarications? Where’s the love in all that?

There are some people in this world who have reactions to hurt that directly place themselves straight to their own minds. This is not a character flaw. Actually I’ve found that the people who do this are the ones who have put up with a lot most of their lives. These are also the same people who attract the people into their lives that get off on healing themselves through hurting others. So why you? Perhaps it is just some character trait that you have learned to live with but by doing so you miss out on the opportunity to grow, to erase the labels of blame that you feel in your heart every day. That relationship you “ruined” that could of been “great,” that friendship you lost, that decision you made that you knew would change something for the worse. Guilt and blame. Two words that people use rigorously by unworthy definition.

Check it. The first thing you need to understand FULLY is that this world is full of human beings who are incapable of loving, understanding and reflecting. These people are also the ones that put up those harsh walls that make you climb harder into their hearts because, well, they’re scared of losing their autonomy, or that the situation precludes the propensity to be independent. So basically they have their own issues that have not been addressed so where does it fall? Yup, onto you. But why are you so willingly to let it be you but even more why are you taking the fall within your own heart for what is theirs to handle? It’s because you’re conditioned, your mind is conditioned to guilt and blame because you don’t know anything else.

When you’ve shed yourself from a situation with a person that encompassed your entire being and life, reality can become utterly confusing. Even the small things that you knew to be part of your routine, part of you, are tainted in ways that has you wondering if you should go back. Go back to the hurt you once knew because you feel naked and uncomfortable? Isn’t that how you got here in the first place though? I bet your looking at that skin you’ve shed and are tilting your head pondering the thought, “how could I get that back on?” Trust me when I say that molted skin is ugly, it will never fit you right again and is visible to everyone, especially the person who caused the pain that is desecrating every inch of it. But it’s more than hard when all you want is to feel just one more time some type of way you did when you were in that world you knew so well with them. You’ll keep the skin that is filled with feelings, memories, comfort, hurt, routine because it was a piece of you but how long can you hold on to it for? Just like a seed you plant, if you don’t nurture it, it can’t grow and neither can you. Sure you have this new skin and life to fill with better things but what happens when we yearn for a piece of the old and end up taking a piece of it because we just want that taste, smell or feeling just for one second, that’s it, but that never ends up being the scenario. If you are finding it hard to let go of memories that are left behind, trying to remember them again will only get you hurt, upset and feeling even more confused than before.

There are people who can become completely oblivious to losing themselves and this happens on a deeper level when the person they are doing this with knows it’s happening and has no idea the damage culminating inside your heart. Like a crescendo of pain that is left to hit rock bottom. You can expect a vortex of pain to begin when you get there but this vortex is what is going to lift you from rock bottom and assist in shedding that skin. A lot of people don’t realize that pain, hurt and the tears we embrace during this time is the most pertinent part of our coming to anew. If you think about it when you cry the most visceral tears our thoughts during this time start to shed also. Self talk during an emotional break down is over looked and yet so beautiful. We question more than we know we do when we let our heart bleed out.

But back to this new reality and how we are suppose to deal with it. Time. If you can’t accept that time is the only thing that will get you through, you’re going to be trying to glue that skin you shed right back on. How…pretty that will look. Let yourself hurt! The things that remind you of what you once knew, keep doing them, no matter how much it sucks. Train your mind to find something a little different every time you find yourself doing something that reminds you of your old world. It will be a slow process with anything you connect to this person. Start off slow and don’t be afraid to take your time. It’s your heart, your body, your new start. Change one or two things at a time, don’t try and change it all at once or you will become overwhelmed and end up back to the beginning. Let time heal for you.

So now that you have moved along and days can finally go by without thoughts or memories of this old world, what happens when one day….it does? It’s going to be so easy to connect with this person because you just know its been long enough and you’re ready to start new with this person because there’s no way they could ever touch the new you. So you do, you reach out, they reach back and just like that, connect 4….well 2 in this case. It goes smoothly and your confidence is giving you more confidence to tell you you’re OK talking with this person again. Do you have a slip and slide? Because this is where you’re going to need it and down you go. That’s all it took and listen here, just because time heals all wounds doesn’t mean you go back cutting them open because you feel they’re fully mended. Some scars mend poorly but our heart and mind mend great. Some falls cause bigger, noticeable scars than others and those ones you will just want to look at and thank this life for the lesson you endured that caused them. Don’t make them any bigger because the bigger the scar the more pain it will cause cutting it open.

There’s a Divine love that we all know and feel and the veil in-between is there for a reason. If we knew it all, what would be the point of living? You can thirst for knowledge, seek wisdom and find your truths but every second of your life will be reshaped by emotional thoughts and events. There’s always a point that we stop, stare at the ground and reprocess what we thought we knew with what we just learned. AND that’s OK. It’s OK to have a brand new edition to the old edition as long as your love remains unconditional.

Smoke Signals, Shine Bright, Infinite Love&Light,

Charity-Anne