3:33 am. I thought the days of seeing that time displayed on my phone while I mindlessly surf the web were over with.  I also saw 3:32, 4:15 and other random times, so don’t worry this isn’t another “ I see 3:33 or 11:11 all the time” kind of stories.

This time the 3’s catch my attention as my mind wanders back to 3 years ago, when my world flipped upside down. I had just left my marriage, took my two beautiful girls, and moved back to the small little town I grew up in-and loathed. I spent the first year trying to figure out what was reality and what was fiction, looking back everything was reality. Three years ago I had no idea what a synchronicity was, energy was something I paid too much for every summer running the AC, and Shamanism was something Pagans did. Right? I had just learned about Human Design  and started reading more about Astrology. My new found love of learning about myself  was inspired by my childhood best friend that I was now living with in the small little town we both loathed. I remember thinking, why do I need to change myself? I didn’t abuse me!!! I’m not the reason I’m stuck in the small, closed minded, Trump loving town! I later learned about the perfectness of where I am, and what that means on a very deep level.

I’m a social worker by trade, and a space holder by purpose. I’ve always loved my job, the thrill of a crisis run and knowing I must help someone kept me going, but three years ago I found myself needing help. Back then, I knew some strange things were going on, bad luck I called it. Alarm didn’t go off again? My car won’t start for the 3rd time this week? We have head lice? I have to go to court again? Police let him get away in handcuffs and blamed me?    Always something happening that I couldn’t explain to others, feeling like someone had put a curse on me. Three years later, I realize someone did put a curse on me, and that someone was me. The “bad luck” was the Universe, God, or whatever language you use for a higher spirit, helping me learn the lessons I needed to learn. I had to go through these things to discover my true purpose, that I am more than just a social worker, I am a space holder for those that need to heal. I have a billion stories of the amazing ways I’ve been shown my purpose, but those are for another time and place.

Three years ago I walked around with a smile while one curve ball after the next got thrown at me. I dreaded people to ask me how I was, or what I did over the weekend. I would try to smile and say “ I’m great” or “ Weekend was alright”, but before I knew it I was vomiting the negativity everywhere. As a social worker, I know the power of venting and telling the story of your trauma, but I was going about it all wrong. I wanted validation, I wanted the “pats on the back” and the “wow, you hold it together so well”.  I just wanted the bad luck to stop, or did I?  That “bad luck” was my security blanket, I was just the result of what was happening around me. I was the good one, the social worker that picked the wrong husband, let her kids around the wrong people. Those things were not my fault. When that smoke cleared, I realized I was the only one standing in my way.

Three years ago my mantra was “ because in my life……” which I thought was a pretty positive way to look at things.  I was just that girl, the one that always has too much going on. I believed that so much I was going to get a tattoo that said “ Too much of everything is just enough” a line from my favorite Grateful Dead song.

On Jan 5th 2018 I woke up and decided I was going to get a tattoo, it just wouldn’t be that one.  I had a new favorite song by then and decided I would go with the lyrics “ I believe in the good things coming”. From then on, my luck changed.  Does that mean bad stuff doesn’t happen to me? Um, yeah right.  Just last week my ex-husband decided to drag me to court after two years of no contact, I bought a car that keeps breaking down and I’ve ordered a new debit card for my business account like three times now and no one can tell me where it is being sent to? Man, here we go with those 3s again.