Wait! I know what you’re thinking, “just another article about how to live my life.” I can’t even live my own life, so just hold that thought, please. There’s a lot I haven’t been through, there’s a lot I have seen, and as for own experiences, they have given me enough to want to share a little something with those that need it.

When you read this, please know that I do not make judgments, but I know patterns. Only because this Queen no longer wears that crown, and I don’t want anyone ending up with my old crown. It’s not flattering, and I’m certain it was fake diamonds anyways. I’ve learned to add all those bells and whistles…. you know the shimmery, glimmering shit you sprinkle on life’s tragedy’s we are given? Now that’s the good stuff I know how to do it. Knowing how to build with every rock thrown at me. Ok, yes, I have more than a few scars when a rock nailed me in the back, head, chest, but mostly the heart.

Personal growth, self-love and patterns. Three growths that hurt worse than growth pains themselves. However, they are the most significant type of growth we need. “Do I love myself?” Years ago, it was something I never thought about. It wasn’t something I was taught growing up. I was always told who loved me, but never to love myself. “Fuck.” That’s the first thing I thought to myself. I felt like a lucent orb in a cloudless sky, but I was so far from being just that. Thank you patterns. I wish I could say I’m on this amazing path of enlightenment of superlative introspection, oh wait, I did at one point in my life, but that was only a high horse I fell off, hard.

Learning to love myself has been filled with the harshest realizations of someone I didn’t know I was. Scars that never mended that hid further than I could possibly fathom. But it was the unhealed wounds I found that hurt like hell. As human beings we mindlessly gravitate to do what we know, patterns. It’s like our inner child having a blast in a revolving door. But what if it stops? Would you be brave enough to take that first step from spinning to the unknown? How well do you really know yourself? Are you ready to see the frayed fabric of your humanness that’s been ignored? Sounds easy. Seems harmless. But this is not easy, and you will end up hurt when you pull away the frays and search the holes that are inside. But you need to start the search. If you have doubts, if you find yourself insecure, if you feel something isn’t right when you act like you have it together, if you hurt, my friend, it’s time to start loving yourself. Are you ready to love yourself like you’ve never known? Are you ready to see yourself in a new beautiful glow of pure cosmic beauty? Good. Trust life and embrace my hand as I help pull you out of that revolving door….

• Take the Time to Learn About Yourself.
  It is soo important to be in silence. You don’t have to master the art of Gandhi. But acknowledge your thoughts and ask yourself why you think the negative ones that are there. Read in silence. Find books about your family roots, your astrological sign, your personality, spiritual books. Go outside of what you “know” and dig into what you don’t! There is so many ways to help lead us to a better understanding of ourselves, our actions, our emotions. If we just take the time to just learn what we DON’T know we can know ourselves better. Even if it’s learning what we once thought we didn’t want anything to do with or believe in. Be open to it all!
• People in Your Life.
  Only surround yourself with positive, informative, good influences. Get rid of the rest, kindly. When we fill our life with uplifting, knowledgeable human beings who want what’s best for us we gain an understanding of ourselves. These connections are what makes this life so damn beautiful. Connecting to these people is a crucial aspect to learning to love yourself.
• Constructive Criticism and Introspection.
  You have to be capable of taking criticism on a constructive level. Many people will tell you something about you and we automatically put up a defense mechanism. Listen! Take in what someone is telling you and contemplate if this is true. It hurts. There are going to be times when it hurts to admit that these things are true about yourself. This is also why it’s important to have the people as mentioned above in your life because these are the ones who will open your eyes the widest about these things. They don’t do it because they want to hurt you, they do it because they want you to work on loving yourself, and they show that by loving you for you.
• Finding Your Shine.
  Start by not just knowing but wearing those positive traits and talents in every step you walk. You know what they are so embrace them and paint your skin with them for everyone around you to see. When you do this, you start to embrace a presence of being strong and everyone will be able to see this glow. If you are finding it difficult to find these things don’t be afraid to go fishing. Ask the ones closest to you. It’s actually very likely they see things that you don’t. Find those that reflect, those that will mirror the positive.
• Cry.
  It’s ok to cry. It’s proven to be healthy. We are human beings and emotions are what makes us exactly that. What a beautiful feeling it is to let out pain, hurt, happiness or even if you don’t know why you are crying, let it out! You’re loving parts of you that only you can know and understand. You’ll find tears from the past that you didn’t know were there still, and ones that you’ll need a helping hand with, which leads me to…
• It’s OK to Be Alone.
  This was the hardest for me. Turns out it’s the most pertinent to our well-being. If we can’t be alone within ourselves we aren’t loving ourselves.
• It’s OK to Get Help.
  We can’t do this alone and there are people out there waiting for you to love yourself. Talk to counselors, psychologists, spiritualists…anyone you feel comfortable talking to but make sure it’s someone who studies the field and one that listens. We can’t understand our psyche on our own completely but once we start to get the understanding of someone who gets it that’s when we start to also. We start to piece things together easier. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to someone. It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.

These are just stepping stones. If you start here, you will find your own stones on your path. Don’t be afraid to look inside yourself. I know it can be a scary place to be and it hurts when you start to see and understand that there are aspects of you that are messed up and need healing. But if you start to see them don’t push them further into the dark, bring them closer to you and tell them you’re ready and that they have no power over you because…they don’t. Only you have power over your every thought and emotion. Never does our thoughts and emotions have power over us. Most importantly, do it for yourself. We have all the strength and wisdom already inside of us. We must take the first step to letting ourselves in our own heart.

You deserve the most amazing life you can imagine possible because YOU are LOVE.

Charity-Anne