Scripture is still a part of my life and faith. I’ve branched out. I’ve learned about some different philosophies and practices. Yet, I admit, post- cancer diagnosis, The Jabez Prayer still influences me.
This prayer swept the Christian publishing world years ago. Workbooks and seminars were created to explore its attributes.
For those unfamiliar with the scripture, it’s a tiny little marvel, lost in what is not exactly the most exciting book of the Bible: 1 Chronicles 4, documenting Judah and Israel’s history. The little ditty goes like this…

“Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him ‘Jabez,’ saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain.’ And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, ‘Oh that thou would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!’ And God granted him that which he requested.
1 Chronicles 4:9-10

Now, before I’ve completely lost you in this Bible-y context, let’s just stop briefly and examine this prayer’s bullet points, in a more human framework.
Indeed, post- cancer diagnosis, I started viewing the prayer through this imperfect lens. It has become even more personal and, dare I say it, relevant.
Let’s break it down a little.

“Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him ‘Jabez,’ saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain…’

Okay, so we’re off to a fantastic start.
Names tell us a lot about a person. And it’s not confidence-instilling to be presented to the world as “Pain.”
We need to tackle first the ugliness of our origin story, even if/when pain is its central character. Breast cancer shoved me headlong into the reality of my past. I could no longer avoid it, especially as now, this dreaded diagnosis embodied fulfilled pain for me. No more dancing around it.

…And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, ‘Oh that thou would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory…

We need to call for help. There’s no passivity when it comes to crisis moments.
And, underscoring that, we need to decide, what do we want? To be blessed or not? It’s not such an easy question to answer. How many of us self-sabotage? How many of us are sadistic with ourselves? How many of us think that we deserve pain and curses?
Yeah.
This part of the prayer not only calls a deeper 911, it confronts who we are and how we live.
Years ago, when I first encountered the Jabez Prayer, I saw it as the “gimme gimme” loophole to beg the Divine for my goodies. And those goodies included an enlarged territory of acceptance and acclaim.
But now, post-diagnosis, I see it differently. It’s about loving and accepting my own self-terrain. For as much external love, praise and applause out there, it means nothing if I cannot experience it within myself. I need to become more adept at self-love, self-compassion and yes, the infamous word, self-esteem.
I need HELP enlarging that territory indeed! How about you? Can you say the same?

…and that thine hand might be with me…

My past experiences taught me there was a malevolent force, not a loving one, ushering me into life circumstances and dictating outcomes. How many of us only see a wrathful God?
Part of my healing now, post-diagnosis, is to allow for good to guide me. Again, it all sounds so simple. But this is hard work. It involves trust in something beyond the finite human self. That is scary. It’s not about being naïve or stupid. It’s not about forsaking our own sense of responsibility for our choices. It’s about allowing for more. More can exist, without giving detailed explanations or soothing reassurances. A first step to experiencing the benefits of that “more presence…” is to ASK for it.

…and that thou would keep me from evil…

Further piggybacking that sentiment, we can make the choice to ask to be protected. We can make this request of ourselves. We don’t need to be subjected to harm.
We can make another choice. And part of making that different choice is that we allow protection from our own malevolent intentions and actions. We can be our own worst enemies. The cliché is true.
What are we willing to do with that?

…that I may not cause pain!’…

Accurate self-assessment and personal responsibility are central themes to this part of the prayer. Again, many of us can often have distorted definitions of what constitutes “our fault,” versus what we should be accountable for. It’s tricky.
But we do have an inner knowing about right and wrong. It goes beyond religion. You and I know when we have crossed a line. With that knowing, however, human beings are far too adept at creating pain. No matter how nice or loving or sweet we claim to be, that reality humbles us.
Perhaps, for everyone and everything we have the potential to help and heal, we also have the potential to harm. Therefore, we need an accurate assessment of ourselves, even while we pray any altruistic or desperate prayer. We have not transcended being imperfect and all the wreckage that can come with that state of human being. But we are not responsible for every evil, either. We’re in the murky middle.

…And God granted him that which he requested.”

Here is probably the most concentrated “Bible-y” point of the Jabez Prayer: God. Lightning rod. Controversial statement. Conjectures, debates, maybe even bar fights abound because of this point.
“I don’t believe in God.”
“This isn’t the ‘right” or the ‘true’ God.”
“There’s no such thing as God.”
“It’s all just a con job.”
I still adhere to the tenets of my Christian faith. But I concur with yet another scripture that that’s states how I see through this spiritual looking glass darkly, at best (1 Corinthians 13:12).
No one has the exacting answers. And here is where the “F-Word” usually gets trotted out: Faith.
Faith is an infuriating concept, because, after all, I want to KNOW!!! I WANT ANSWERS!!! I demand to speak to the cosmic manager already!
But all that I’m left with is getting “Ma’am-ed” to Kingdom Come.
Faith declares that we don’t know for certain. How very dissatisfying! Still our spirit, soul, inner being, instinct, aura yearn and reach for something beyond finite, tangible answers. There has to be something to that, right?
My cancer diagnosis has got me reaching. And yet, even, slamming down my “Cancer Card” hard doesn’t qualify me for all answers, all certainty.
But it is possible that I am being granted all that I seek, in-process, right now. In messy, imperfect, frustrating process, I am my own interpretation of Jabez. A well-known scripture, cited ad nauseum, admonishes us to “ask, seek, knock.”
Isn’t that we are doing, somehow, someway? Even in the most content and complacent of us, we still want something more?
Jabez is about wanting more. It’s not greed. It’s human need, the essence and the dignity of humanity. We don’t need to apologize for or be ashamed of that.
I apply the prayer, in earnest.
I await and engage in the results from- and because of-it.
Copyright © 2019 by Sheryle Cruse