We live and die by the clock. But which clock do you think is really running the show? It’s not the one hanging on your wall or the fancy Apple watch around your wrist.

It’s the Divine, or universal time. It is perfect. It is magical. It is orchestrating your life for your highest good, and it doesn’t give a sh*t about your agenda.

Divine time does not work on your time. Your soul knows this but as humans we lose sight of this – that’s why linear time has become so important to us.

Linear time is a human construct. It keeps us stuck on the hamster wheel of life. We constantly feel as humans that we are running out of time. Our physical bodies age but our souls know no age. Divine time is limitless. So we battle between the two – the brain and our soul.

However, when you surrender to the possibilities of universal divine timing you will see your life in a completely different way. It will become unrecognizable. Your life will indeed start to feel like a gift.

You will give up the need to be busy. Can we all finally admit “busy” is code for “I don’t want to face myself, turn inward to look at my actual self, the person behind the mask(s), or the real issues in my life that are an extension of self?” If you choose not to, the divine timing of the universe will do it for you, and trust me when I say that those are some harsh wake up calls you do not want to wait for – I’ve lived many. Too many.

I have been broke, homeless, jobless, abused, and severely energetically depleted before I got the messages. It’s taken losing damn near everything now numerous times, including almost all of my sanity, for me to finally get the hint.

I wasn’t moving fast enough in some instances. Dragging my feet – not following my intuition. In other instances, I was moving too fast – burning myself out. Living a life for others, not myself.

In both scenarios I was externally focused. Focused on the opinions of others. I was destination oriented. If I can just get there (wherever the hell there is) I’ll be happy, content, peaceful. But I was missing it. All of it – life. The journey. The experience to be alive was lost on me.

I was going through the motions, never really living, nor enjoying life. I’d blink and summer would be gone, having never once plunged my feet into the sandy shores of Lake Michigan (one of my favorite places to visit).

So one day I just stopped. I turned the mirror back onto myself (like I’ve done before) and asked the question so many of us do, but rarely have the guts to answer: “What the f*ck am I doing?”

In that moment, staring left to left eye in the mirror (the seat of our soul) I saw all the pain and grief I was still carrying, even after years of cognitive behavioral therapy, energy healing (including reiki and acupuncture) and working with two coaches. I had already left my job as a physician assistant at this point. Cut out people, environments and things that no longer felt aligned with who I had become.

So there I was, starting down a new path that I was joyous and excited about, enjoying the experiences of life instead of the inanimate objects in my life – yet I realized part of that old cycle had followed me into this new part of my journey.

I drastically changed my external life, and part of my internal self, but I became increasingly self-aware that if I didn’t further radically change my internal beliefs and patterns then it was going to be another one of those “here we go again” moments.

The timing of the divine would shake my world to it’s very core once more to make me see what I had missed. To learn the lessons.

And it started to do just that while in midst of my new path. I let other’s doubts creep back into my mind. I could see and feel my new path crumbling from beneath my feet under the weight of skepticism. My health started to decline, I was energetically depleted, and my finances quickly dwindling, along with my self-confidence. There it was again – self.

Old habits die hard, especially when attached to external factors and unhealed aspects of self. I had put so much emphasis on everything outside of myself, including linear time, that I had once again forgotten about me.

I felt like time itself was slipping through my fingers. Maybe it was being on the precipice of turning 40 years old this year. Maybe it was that I’m in debt for a master’s degree I so desperately did not want to fall back on. Or maybe some people were right, and I couldn’t make my dream a full-time career and support myself financially.

Once again, I had became destination focused and consumed with linear time. I let so many things that keep me balanced, calm and energetically aligned fall by the wayside. This allowed my anxiety, reactive depression and mild agoraphobia to insidiously weave it’s way back into my life, and my severe PTSD was out of control. I started to have new flashbacks of my abuse. To say I was stressed would be a mild understatement.

But see, I caught a glimpse of what could be, and that fueled my desire to finally change these patterns.

It’s in these moments I do what I do best – turn inward. Go to the dark, dank scary places of my inner psyche few dare to tread. My shadow. To face the origin of the fear(s) holding me back. Many of which are linked to childhood traumas and core beliefs, but you can’t heal what you aren’t willing to see, hear and feel.

Whenever I feel the rumble of the divine starting to shake up my world. I detach from external factors, including linear time and realign with my internal being – my soul. I quiet the external noise and become still. Still enough to hear my soul because it knows the way. For the soul is intrinsically linked to the divine. The universe. Source direct.

And yes, there is always free will. However, the divine finds it’s way back into my life again and again. Patiently waiting for me to become cognizant of the fact that it’s always been my free will to choose the divine path and timing of my life, in order to co-create the life I truly want to live.

So this summer I feel that maybe, just maybe, after so many years, I’ll finally get to sink my feet into the sandy shores of Lake Michigan, with help of my co-conspirator – divine time.