For so long I was preoccupied with the non-physical. I’ve always been predominantly introverted, empathic, and have had a strong connection to “other worldly” phenomena. My family grew up with it being normal that my grandma was psychic and saw ghosts, and we just accepted it as so.

But apart from the occasional readings she would give to my siblings, cousins and me, my family never really talked about anything related to the spirit, or the “feeling” world. That was the example I observed which unconsciously solidified my understanding as to what was accepted when it came to accessing information beyond our five senses. It was just this fun and cool thing our grandma could do.

I think it naturally goes hand in hand; the introverted ones are normally the empaths. They feel more and tend to experience more of the mixing between the physical and whatever is “out there”. Spending time alone or in small groups, without all that added stimulation, you’re more receptive and available to the “other” noises that are out there. The ones we can tap into, like my grandma is able to when she can sense what people have going on in their lives, just by touching some object that the person always has with them.

Although I was definitely social, playing various sports throughout my childhood and adolescence, riding horses, and enjoying close bonds in my friend groups, I still heard the “other” noises. When I didn’t see or hear anyone around me who also had this type of experience, it started to feel lonely and confusing.

This is why I can identify so easily with those who have dealt with or are still dealing with depression. I won’t simplify it by concluding all cases of depression stem from a person’s misunderstood or premature ability at tapping into the nonphysical, but it could be!

When someone is sensitive enough to feel things that we haven’t had words to explain, and they look around and nothing they see around them offers a safe place to explore what’s happening, to understand that it’s normal, they turn to themselves. They think, at least in my experience, something is wrong with them. Even though nothing about it felt wrong, as long as I was keeping it to myself. But that gets extremely lonely.

The thing that jarred me so much was the contrast between what I felt inside and the complete apparent absence of it on the outside. I couldn’t talk about feelings too much, because they looked at me weird. They said I was too sensitive. I started to learn I had to keep certain things to myself. Although I wanted to talk about it so badly, to have real conversations about my abstract thoughts, and the crazy unexplainable things that happened to me, I learned to reign it in. To stay at the superficial level. So no one would find out I was weird or sensitive. Because I am. And now I love that.

I consider myself lucky and blessed to have a strong sense that I need to follow and honor what I feel inside, even though it doesn’t feel supported by the majority around me. I say this because so many lose touch with their own truth too quickly and give in to the predominant mindset of their peers, in order to be accepted.

They buy into thinking that they are “not right.” That the way others see things is actually the right way. And they’d better catch on or they’ll be left behind, judged, excluded, and so on. A lot of people lose themselves in this process. The fear of being judged and excluded by others takes precedence over their desire to live in accordance with their own inner guidance system.

So many are good at covering it up, pretending it’s all good. As long as they can show they’re thriving on the physical level (material possessions and social media fame, anyone?!), they don’t need to revisit the feeling in them that is being neglected. As long as they receive validation from the outside that they’re someone who’s got it all, that disconnect they feel doesn’t need tending to. And they may very well live their whole lives without going back to whatever it was that caused the deviation in the first place.

Then there are those of us, perhaps the more introverted ones, who are not so desperate to cover it up. We may feel disadvantaged because we can’t just put on a pretty face and make everyone like us the way others can. But in reality we are blessed for that very reason. The truth in us is too strong, its presence too close to the surface for us to be able to ignore it. 

The truth that is trying so hard to make its way to the light is this: human suffering is real. It happens every day in an infinite number of ways to even the most unsuspecting ones. Our fear wants us to run from it. To cover it up and pretend it doesn’t exist. But what the love in us wants is to expose this suffering to the world. So we can embrace and be embraced and know it’s completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Our love wants to disarm any and all intents of convincing us that this is something “you just don’t talk about, honey.” To stand up to the critical voices we hear, inside our minds as well as from those around us, and tell them, “thank you. Thank you very much for trying to keep me safe. I know you think this may cause others to laugh, to not understand me right away. I’m okay with that. I’m gonna say it anyway.”

Deep inside, we know that opening up and talking about this thing that we’ve grown to believe is such a taboo is immensely healing. That by humbly letting down this protective armor we’ve built up to conceal any indication that we’re not okay, we’re opening the way for true healing to take place. Because only when someone, anyone, can see who we really are underneath the superficial projection we’ve created, when they can see that we’re hurting and we need help, only then can we truly receive the connection we’re starved for.

It takes courage to stand up to the doubts in our minds that don’t want us to expose ourselves. But for any of us who have been gifted the task of dealing with something like depression, feeling misunderstood, feeling lonely or lost, and then finding a way to reconcile with that, it is our duty to share it with others. We are the chosen ones to illuminate this truth for others: whatever it is you’re going through, no matter how messy, ugly, or ridiculous it may seem, is beautiful.

There are countless people out there waiting to hear your unique message of healing; waiting to hear that they’re doing just fine, it’s going to be alright, and that their version of weird is to be celebrated. We all just want to know that what we’re feeling is valid and what we’re going through is normal. Fear is the force that has led our society to ascribe shame to complexities such as depression. We all have the choice to either feed that fear which keeps us in darkness, or turn on the light.