Relationships can be hard work, and we invest lots of our time and energy working to maintain them. That is why it’s so hard to endure breakups – we feel loss and often not only grieve the person, but the time, blood, sweat, and tears that we put into making them work. Knowing when to stay in a relationship or get out is very important, but when we do decide that it is right for us to stay and work to make it better, there are three important guidelines to follow. These guidelines are not just pertaining to romantic relationships, but can be applied to platonic relationships as well.

Work On Changing Yourself, Not Others

“You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself” -Jim Rohn

The one thing we have control over is ourselves and our actions. Unfortunately, in relationships, it is not only ourselves that we have to deal with and it is certainly not us that needs the change for sure. It’s our partners, or friends, or coworkers, etc. Everyone but us. And as hard as you may try, you are never going to change a single person in this lifetime, only yourself, if you are lucky enough to realize you have that power.

The key is to know, like savvy women do, that by changing yourself and your reactions, you can affect how people respond to you. That’s all you can change. If you normally get angry when he doesn’t call right away, you can make a request to him to call you, but you can’t change his habit of forgetting. You can change your reaction. Instead of getting mad you could let him know in a more loving way that his behavior bothers you, or you could work on whatever it is in you that is irked by his action.

Understand That Change Takes Time

Change is painful and understanding that change takes time is going to be very important when you are working together to improve your relationship. Our behaviors become habits that are very difficult to break and develop new healthy ones. Taking care to avoid definitive words such as always, never, and every will show your partner that you see progress being made. There is nothing more frustrating than working to change a habit only to have someone point out your slip ups and then to say you always or never do something that you have been consciously trying to change. Talk about wanting to give up hope.

Work With People As They Are

We should really follow this rule of thumb when we meet someone new instead of making excuses for their behavior and thinking that they will change when… And if… We should believe who a person is when they show themselves to us. We are living in a trade up society where everyone is looking for the next best thing, no one wants to settle.  but we often times forget that we are imperfect ourselves and what we really want is for someone to love us just the way we are, without requiring us to change.  Being gracious can go a long way trying to improve your relationships.