We sometimes feel the need to stand up for ourselves, and we typically do that by communicating our boundaries to another person, which I think can sometimes be necessary and yet, more often than not, it inadvertently causes upset or conflict.

For example, if the neighbor always borrows your tools but never brings them back, you can either:

A). Confront them (eeek! How weird will this get?!)
B). No longer allow the neighbor to borrow tools.

Clearly the response with the least consequences is to firm up our own boundaries rather than approach the neighbor.

I got the notion today that when we have an issue with another person, its more about going inward rather than outward, more about changing ourselves – and what we will put up with – *aka strengthening our boundaries* rather than attempting to change another person, which is highly unlikely even if it’s the ideal/fair solution.

When we bring the focus/attention back to ourselves, we have the opportunity to not only shift or change today’s situation, but all other future interactions in our lives.

We can certainly hope that another will shift themselves to honor our feelings, and they may or may not, in this one temporary moment, and even when spoken, they may or may not in the future….and then we have to approach THEM AGAIN?!

(See the pattern we are choosing to participate in?!)

When we feel icky about something in a relationship with another person, (regardless of what that is), it’s a signal to look at ourselves and what we are allowing/making ourselves available for.

The idea is that when we become aware, we will then shift somewhere in our own lives and/or *TAKE ACTION* in some way which no longer allows for said behavior/situation to continue.

This may mean ending or shifting a relationship, this may mean no longer offering or doing something to/with another, this may mean no longer participating or contributing to a specific aspect of a relationship that doesn’t “sit well”.

We are the creator and leader of our lives. It is up to us to make the changes for ourselves that no one else can make for us.

What do I need to do or change to feel balanced within my self and/or this relationship?!

When a struggle arises between you and the world, Return to Self.

Your Solution Resides There.