I’ve been in an on and off relationship with yoga for years. I first tried it after watching routines on the short lived Discovery Channel offshoot FitTV. The show was called Namaste Yoga. Every episode featured three beautiful, fit women in expensive-looking yoga clothing. They did their routines in different beautiful locations. There was always soft meditation music playing in the background. Their bodies moved in an effortless way. They did not shake or flinch when standing on one leg or switching from one position to another. I saw these women and I wanted to be them. I wanted to be fit and pretty doing yoga in a forest or on a beach.

When I watched these routines and tried to do them in my living room, for the life of me I couldn’t keep my balance. I would usually spend the first 10 minutes of the episode trying to keep up and the last 20 minutes sitting on my carpet defeated. I couldn’t figure out how I was supposed to breathe. I was not inhaling and exhaling at the right time, so I got a headache every time I tried to do a routine. Having a headache is antithetical to the feelings yoga is supposed to bring, so after the third try I gave up on doing yoga. Despite my exit from the world of yoga, I still had that idealized image of what a yoga practice should look like.

A few years later, I became curious about yoga again. I would see routines from all different types of instructors posted on YouTube. There were so many to choose from. However, many videos labelled beginner posed a challenge for me. The reason why I couldn’t do many of the beginner-level workouts was because of my physical limitations.

Ever since I can remember I had an odd gait. I walked funny, with sort of a twisted limp. It didn’t really bother me that much. In elementary school most people didn’t pay attention to how I walked. Yet in gym class they did care how I ran. Nobody wanted me on their kickball team, because I couldn’t run the bases. Any time I tried to run really fast, one of my ankles would lock up. Then, I would start hobbling and strike out.  During the mile jog I would always be one of the last students to complete it. If we ran on the hardwood floor of the gym or concrete instead of the soft grass in the field, the bottoms of my feet would be in pain for days.

When I was around 11 my mother took me to the doctor and we told her about my issues. My flat feet and weak ankles could’ve been helped by special shoes prescribed by a podiatrist. These shoes costed $600. My family’s budget would not permit me to get the shoes. My mom said if I tried to walk properly I could self-correct my condition.

It was difficult to be constantly conscious about the way I walked. Walking the so-called proper way felt uncomfortable. I eventually went back to walking with my twisted limp. I get comments now and then asking if I’m okay, that it look like I hurt my foot. When these comments come I just try to politely brush them off.

When it comes to yoga to me doing yoga today, I always have to modify the way I do the positions to avoid foot and ankle pain. The only yoga routine I feel comfortable doing is Sun Salutations. I stopped watching videos and instead have a graphic of the different positions of the routine on my phone. I can go at my own pace instead of trying to keep up with the video. I also modify the moves, by twisting my feet in a way that’s comfortable for me. I also try to evenly distribute my weight, as to not hurt my ankles.

If you have a physical limitation, it is important to find a way to work with it. If I push myself and try to completely ignore my physical limitations, I could subject my body to unnecessary pain and injury. If all I see is my physical limitation I will deny myself all the benefits that can come from yoga or other exercises.

You are not your weak ankles, your flat feet, your arthritis, or anything else. Though these things can stop you from doing certain activities, they can’t stop you completely unless you let them. Perhaps your activity is something low-impact like swimming or tai chi. Maybe you’ll always have to lift the lightest weights on the rack. Maybe you need a trainer or physical therapist to help you. In any circumstance you can have an active body.

What I need the most from my yoga practice is for it to increase in the strength and flexibility of my body, as well as for it to increase my peace of mind. It is important to find out what you need from your exercise routine. Figuring out what you need from your exercise routine will give you something to work with. An idealized image of you what an exercise routine should look like will give you impossible goals that you feel bad for not being able to reach. I need a low-impact work out that tones my muscles and helps me relieve stress. This is what my simple, basic, easier-than-beginner yoga practice does for me. I may always be at the beginner-level and may never be able to do a proper eagle pose, but I have finally learned how to do yoga and breathe without getting a headache.