“Mom, do you have cancer?!”

The wind was literally knocked out of me with those words. Most of my adult life I was what I considered to be “a rock”, an impenetrable force that was strong for my kids and the people I loved. When I lost my mom I didn’t cry, at least where anyone could see me. I thought being strong was the way to get my kids through the pain we were all feeling. There was things that needed to be done, arrangements made, and I had to be solid to get through it.

When I got sick, I thought limiting the amount of “unknowns” would be the same. It wasn’t. What I had been teaching my kids, especially my always tough daughter, was not to show emotion or let anyone know what’s going on inside your head. I, had miserable and completely, failed. Even as I explained that NO, I did not have cancer, she didn’t know if she could believe me. I wasn’t the same, routines were changing, I lost my career and the ability to coach, even attend games and activities regularly. As I slipped further and further into difficulty walking and remembering words, I could see my kids timidly watching afraid to know the truth.

I feel like we are facing this again in a mass scale. Parents are worried, the news is full of unknowns and frightening stories, social media is buzzing with misinformation, memes, jokes, and fighting. Our children are displaced from their routine at school, sports, and extra curricular activities. Their norm is shattered. They are looking to us for guidance, for help, for security. The impact of events that disrupt our lives can take months to show their face. Anxiety, depression, sleep interruptions, tantrums, eating issues, wetting the bed, anger, etc. It can manifest in hundreds of ways for adults let alone fragile children. WE are their beacon.

I made the mistake of being too strong. Of not showing my fear, my anger, my sadness. I was falling apart with a smile on my face. My children watched every crack as it formed. They watched me struggle. While I thought I was maintaining normalcy, what they needed most was reality. They needed to know that I too felt- deeply -and that we would together weather the storm. So tonight as we face unprecedented events, let down your walls a little. Communicate and make a plan. Let them know they are being protected, they are being watched, cared for, and most of all LOVED!