“That’s exactly why you should stay”

The year was 2007.

However, in 1991 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease which back at that time involved a treatment that was a bit more complicated than today’s protocol. I was 29, with two very young school age children. I pretty much freaked out; I had no tools in my toolbox to handle something like this. Fear led to panic attacks and the panic attacks led to a reliance on alcohol to help numb the pain.

In 1994 I was desperate to find some relief that would help me cope. I went to Crown bookstore (no internet at the time) and amongst the self-help books I found a book called Healing and The Mind by Bill Moyers. It was based on a PBS series that he did, however I had never seen it at the time.

Scrolling through the pages and chapters highlighting different stories I came across Jon Kabat-Zinn. His message and his work with mindfulness based stress reduction – MBSR – struck home with me. Although his work was originally created to work with patients dealing with chronic pain I found an enormous amount of solace in his work. Hence became my relationship from afar with someone whose work I had only known from a book. I told myself that someday I would attend one of his courses.

Many years passed approxamently 14. I seriously don’t know how it happened or why it happened for that matter. All I know is that I woke up one day; eyes wide open and had this sense of urgency. I needed to sign up for a course with him right now because he will be retiring soon. This was nothing other than what I like to call a “maryellenism” – based completely on intuition. Nonetheless, I scoured the internet (which was now in full force) and signed up to take his MBSR course for health professionals.

It was being held at Mt Madonna, a refuge in the redwoods of in the Santa Cruz Mountains in California. Showing up amidst the enormous redwoods I was awestruck. I had arrived in Nirvana. It’s hard to put it into words the feeling that I had – maybe it was something like a long exhale. I was in the right place.

The next 10 days unfolded and not a single moment disappointed. Our teachers, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Saki Santorelli taught and guided us through what was still a relatively new way of approaching wellness. They shared that although MBSR was designed to work with chronic pain, over the years it was being used in many other areas, including PTSD.

Above all they told us that they were in this course with us. Basically meaning that they were with us side by side. Aside from sleeping they were there, including walking meditation, any spiritual ceremonies that were offered – and most importantly – meals.

I had never experienced anything like this. I felt like I had been hugged and nestled in a warm safe place. I wanted to run away from my life in the metropolitan D.C. area and live a retreat type lifestyle. I mean my children were off in school and what reason did I have to stay?

That all changed the next day.

I got my dinner – which by the way was the most incredible vegan food I had ever had – and sat down. I started eating and heard someone say “hello”. I recognized his Boston accent immediately. I have to say that it felt like the closest thing to meeting a celebrity that I had ever experienced.

He sat down next to me with his dinner and asked me how I was enjoying the course. I filled him in the most condensed way as possible. Then he asked me what I did and where I was from. “I have a small wellness practice right outside the nation’s capital – I’ve been there for 9 years and feel like it’s time for me to leave and live a more peaceful life, that being there with all the insanity made me realize how much I needed to leave.” He said 9 years is a long time to be in an area that has been through so much. He said he was jumping ahead of the requirements for a certification in MSBR but wanted to know if I was at all tapped into the mindfulness community in the D.C. area.

No.

“I would suggest that you get in touch with Tara Brach with IMCW – and tell her that I sent you”. “I personally think that the D.C. area needs people like you more now and that’s exactly why you should stay, that area needs someone to help offer solace. Connect with some like-minded people to gain your support while being able to be there for your community”

I took his advice to heed and it sent me down a road of wonder and discovery. My business is now 18 years old. I did connect with Tara Brach and tapped into the IMCW community. I’ve been on 12 silent retreats mostly sponsored by IMCW and IMS and I continue to provide at my business a solace for those who seek it.

Our clients have told us that they feel like they can exhale when they walk through the doors.

p.s. While Jon Kabat-Zinn did not retire completely he did cut far back on the number of courses that he taught, having passed the baton.  I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to train with him.