Have you ever considered what truly makes a great relationship? Do you know anyone who actually has one?

Years ago, I decided I wasn’t ever having a relationship. I looked around at how everyone else was doing it and I thought there’s no way I want that! Rather than acknowledging there was another possibility I could create for myself, I eliminated relationship as an option altogether.

Do you have a fantasy version of what you’d like your relationship to be? Fantasies eliminate possibilities. They say, I want X, Y, and Z, a man on a white horse, or a supermodel who cooks, and anything that isn’t that is not good enough. Whatever you’ve predetermined you have to have, cuts you off from infinite possibility.

What if there was a much more generative and enjoyable way to create a relationship that really works for you? Start with these simple tips:

Look at what a relationship means to you.

What does a relationship mean to you? Does it get you out of something? Does it save you? Does it create limitation or contraction? Let go of all those decisions – they’re eliminating choice.

For any woman who is reading this, if you have decided that someone will come along and take care of you and give you a house, and wine and dine you, be prepared to let that go, or whatever version of the story you have. Why? Every decision limits what can show up.

Letting go of your fantasy version is easy if you are willing to look at what is limiting your life and where it isn’t working. Be honest with yourself and you can change anything.

Tune into what you can choose that will create more.

I’ve been choosing to be in relationship with my ‘enjoyable other’ for the past eight years. During this time, we’ve been confronted by some big decisions regarding properties, business, and all the ways our lives can work with both of us traveling and creating all over the world.

Instead of determining what we do or don’t want, we look at what our choices will create. A great way to do that is to look at a situation where there’s a choice to make and ask, “What will life be like if I choose this?” Don’t fill in the details you’ve concluded, just get the feel of it. Sense how it will change your life well into the future. Now ask, “What will life be like if I don’t?” Notice how that feels different. Which one is lighter and more expansive? Which choice will create more?

When you’re willing to really look at the difference between choices, you tap into your awareness of possibilities rather than trying to think or feel your way through everything.

Be congruent to what you’re asking for.

Being congruent is how things come together. If you say you would love to create a relationship but are just sitting back and doing nothing, you’re not congruent to what you’re asking for. If you are sincere about creating one, what action could you take today?

There isn’t a “right” way to create a relationship. But there are ways you can create your relationship that allows you to have more fun contributing to each other and your lives together.

Let go of the fantasy and tune into what really works for you. What can you choose today that will generate greater possibilities for your future?