While perusing my social media feed this morning, I came across this enchanting photo of gorgeous dark flowers with the title Goth Garden. If you knew me in my youth, you know I had a fond appreciation of goth culture. There are plenty of photos of me with layers of black makeup, clothes, leather chokers, knee high cargo boots & chains. Oh, all the music and rebellious literature. The misfit adventures. Ah, the days of my angsty angry youth.

My appreciation for darkness followed me into adulthood. For my empathic well-being however, I’ve instilled boundaries about how much and what type I can expose myself to, but I cannot deny that I am intrigued with the learning that comes from darkness.

As April is National Poetry Month, I’ve committed myself to write poems daily and just last night I was doing some research about moonflowers for a poem I was working on and found a beautiful article about how facing our own inner darkness frees “our tormented feelings from their emotional trap” (Trafford, 2016). This freedom gives space for light which then empowers self-love to activate.

One aspect I have observed as a consequence of our current pandemic is the intimacy in which we are learning about ourselves. In our typical bustle, we keep ourselves too busy to sit still with our inner turmoil. Some of this is intentional and some accidental – a byproduct of a capitalistic economically obsessed society. As most of us are now working from home, or laid off, we’ve received a ton of extra time with ourselves and our inner twistiness is taking this chance to be seen, to be heard, to be felt.

For some of us, heavy painful confusing feelings are surfacing. Anxieties are overwhelming us. We’re angry and we feel afraid. We are tired. We are burnt out. The darkness is overtaking us.

Take a deep breath, my friends. You are brave and strong and resourceful. You have everything you need. You are light and you are love. And if sitting with your feelings feels like too much, too heavy, too sad, reach out to a loved one or a mental health professional. We might be social distancing but we can still love and support each other. If you need help identifying your heavy feelings, you could do an activity called a Feelings Inventory. For this activity, write or draw all your feelings onto the page. Dig deep to get them all. Afterwards, take a mindful moment while you sort through. There is no right way to do this, so long as you are learning about what’s in your heart and soul. Activities such as this one bring expanded awareness, so go into this with an open mind and treat whatever learning you have with love and grace.

While you’re at it, treat yourself with love and grace.

Trafford (2016) closes her article with this beautiful line, “like the moonflower that unfurls its pale pearly radiance in the dark of night with only the stars to witness its magnificent unveiling, so we too can open up and find beauty in the painful dark heart of our shadow selves.”

As we sit through this next seemingly dark period, I pray for your bravery in finding beauty in the painful dark hearts of your shadow selves.

Be well,
Lizzy

Reference
Trafford, A.P., (2016) The moonflower. White Lotus Magazine. http://whitelotusmagazine.com/the-moonflower/