A common phrase that we often hear is “you are not the only one”.  Some instantly get annoyed as soon as these words hit their eardrum.  Especially when they’re going through a tough time, which almost all of us are currently. Hopefully [if you’re one that gets annoyed] after reading this you will be able to change your perception on this phrase and find a deeper understanding to it. If you hear these words, it is far from dismissing your emotions.

Through training, through experience, and a few statistical studies it has been shown that “you are not the only one going through this” is indeed a phrase of comfort.  It is a phrase said in hopes that you find comfort in knowing that many others are feeling exactly how you are feeling. It may be under different circumstances and for different reasons but it is the same in emotion.
AGAIN, we may all be feeling the same emotion even though we are dealing with different situations.

To clarify, try to remember that we are not all going through the same situation. We all have different things to worry about, depending on each of our own separate lives, of course.
That makes sense, right?
But that’s just it, stop and think twice before comparing your life to others lives. Stop comparing your situation to a family members or friends situation. Stop focusing  so much on what your negative situation is and work hard to control your mind to not say “well, this person isn’t dealing with it, too” because that comparison is totally irrelevant. Also, what you are doing is writing a story of someone else’s life when you don’t have that right to… because, well, you are not them. 

You are in fact writing off what they’re going through – just because someone is not dealing with the same exact situation as you DOES NOT mean they are not feeling that same intense emotion that correlates to their life situation.

Please note: The person you may confide in, cry to, yell at, guilt trip, for “not doing what you need them to do for YOU” could be (most definitely, during this time) feeling the same emotions.
Do you have the ability to step back and recognize that fact?

In the best case scenario, ALWAYS, the most thoughtful and caring thing you could do for someone is simply ask “do you have the mental space to hear me vent?” BEFORE you release all of your emotion on someone else. BECAUSE they may not be able to handle another’s stresses on top of their own, in that moment of time.

During training to become a crisis counselor we were taught to come up with plans. A mental health self care plan to help guide an individual to problem solve their own situations. We use different communication and listening skills to help explore their brain/thought process and emotions. The goal here is to find the steps one must take to get to a happier state of mind. This entire process is done because that individual texted into the Crisis Textline in the middle of them having a mental breakdown, and this was their way of seeking help.

We are taught to help people self explore by using certain phrases or by having normal authentic conversation because we want to help find what calms them and what brings them peace. The goal is to always have a mental health self care plan. Again, Keep in mind – we are doing this all while they are in a mental crisis situation.
You are able to do this before you reach crisis mode.

So if you find someone giving suggestions of things to do that could make you happy and/or someone talks you through multiple different scenarios to help you – it is not writing you off in a sense of not caring.
A main goal everyone should have in life is to be able to turn anxiety or any type of negative feelings into their happiness and have the ability to change their mental state from crisis mode to okay/happy mode. Before you get annoyed at that statement…
TRUST ME, I know it is MUCH easier said than done. And some situations will be harder than others. Where sometimes you may NOT be able to do this. That’s OKAY, it’s part of being human.
BUT the big picture is, do you have a mental health self care plan?

It is not possible for OTHERS to give/control your happiness nor is it humane to put the pressure on others that they are your happiness. Each and every one of us holds happiness within us. Happiness is a state of mind. A state of mind that we sometimes have to work extra hard to get to and sometimes we get totally lost in trying to find it. It is our own responsibility to be able to pull that happiness out of a black hole when needed. It is our own responsibility to FIND the light in a dark tunnel. It’s a million times harder to do this if we don’t have a mental health self care plan, agreed?

We are all going through an extremely difficult time – maybe you have not noticed what others are going through because you are swallowed in your emotions (understandably so). But, you are not alone in this crummy situation. When it comes to Covid-19 the ENTIRE globe is negatively effected by this (literally). Each and every person understands the roller coaster of emotions. When it comes to other life situations, there is always a network of people to connect with. Those people can comfort you and remind you that you are never truly alone in any battle. That’s the beauty of it being the year 2020 – If you need help finding those people, or need a little extra courage in doing so, ask.

We have witnessed strangers helping strangers, communities coming together, a greater appreciation for workers and people who have always deserved the love and recognition they’re just receiving now. Quarantine has brought out creative geniuses and astounding entertainment from all over the world. 

Most importantly, the ones we love will always be there for us, will ALWAYS do whatever they can to help lighten any load, and will always want the absolute very best. That’s all natural, that’s what LOVE is, right?
So when you are going through a hard time or when you are in a negative mental state – please do not harm yourself by convincing yourself that you are alone, misunderstood, you aren’t cared about, and that nobody is there for you or doing enough for you. Please do not poison your own mind with fabricated lies.
Be kind to yourself and to all.

Takeaways:
You are not the only one.
Happiness is found WITHIN us not GIVEN to us.
We DO feel the same emotions but may be dealt with different scenarios.
Ask first BEFORE venting, to avoid overwhelming a loved one.
Use the resources that are available to you.
Be appreciative, be grateful, and most importantly be kind.

If you or somebody you know is in crisis:
Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.