Portugal

When a storm rolls in, you can feel the electricity on your skin– the wind lifts your hair as you lift your face to the sky and smell the rain.

 We stepped out onto the sailboat, and no one else was on the water as I took out the Portuguese wine from my bag, and you took your glass without a glance or a smile.

I wanted to lean in, put my head on your shoulder, hold your hand and feel that peace that always came to me whenever I snuggled in close and drank deep of you.

 But there was a distance between us, a wall of ice kept me anchored in my spot, the darkness getting closer, ready to get back to land and stand on solid ground.

Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I fear that we can never find home again.

I watched the red rooftops of Lisbon pass me by as we sailed into the deep choppy waves of the River Tagus into unchartered waters far from the distant shore.

 5000 miles away from home, but the energy between us showed a distance impossible to measure as I searched for signs of comfort in your voice, in your face.

We walk in silence up winding streets of cobblestone and colorful tiles, it’s dark now and I reach for your hand as I have done thousands of times before.

 But I don’t recognize this hand in mine– it’s as if you are a stranger, and I would do anything to bring my husband beside me once again and both of us feel that perfect synchronicity. 

Where did you go? When did you leave me? I think that we can never find home again.

It’s raining on the rooftops now, the skies tear open and water flows like tears into the dark streets below as you sit across the room from me.

 Something dark consumes you, and your pale green eyes shine in the dark with glittering contempt and murderous intentions as I try to find words.

 My mind races to understand what could have happened to transform the kind, gentle man I loved all these many years into this stranger with this fury and this fire.

It was our last night in Portugal, the last night I held onto hope, but not the last night I loved you . . .  the relentless rain continued with a soft sadness.

Where did you go? How could you leave me? We never found our way back home.