I like the concept of soul mates.

I like the idea of someone being obsessed with me.
I want this person. Where is she at?
I love myself. And yet, I have been so focused, almost impatient with receiving external love and charm.
This is what I have been experiencing.

I wanted more, so much more, but I was not ready to handle more and it took some time to go from feeling like the universe just doesn’t want to give me what I want to have; to understanding that I just wasn’t ready to get what I wanted – also because I wasn’t ever really even clear about what I wanted- I just wanted more.

Again at times, I would get goddamn overwhelmed with shit I can’t handle and the universe doesn’t give a single good goddamn, to lame feelings as that.

It’s like take what you want, the universe on it’s own gives nothing.

I definitely needed to be humbled a bit. Listen to my heart more.

Here is a short poem as I know now, that the only way through is to go inward.

While my heart keeps begging me for an answer to my fears, invariably come circumstances to show me that I still have so much to learn about how to love myself.

‘As many times as you let hope cloud your judgement,
As long as you wear your heart on your sleeve,
Sometimes as much time as it takes to walk away.
As long as you pick up the pieces over and over and over,
And as much as you can create something wonderful out of it,
If we can agree that bad things simply happen,
And we can also move to a place where good things can happen again,
That we can commit to our part to changing our circumstances,
That suffering is a side effect of choice,
And we can always make better choices,
Sometimes we can end up getting the raw deal at the other end of our choice,
And yet it isn’t something we have to assign meaning to,
That on a planet as chaotic as this one,
It is impossible to tell what harm may be due to karma,
Or is just a random side effect of living on earth.’