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How many times have we walked away from a situation or relationship and then come up with all the things we should have said? 

Several years ago, I started writing letters in those moments; some of them I sent, some of them I didn’t. This is what counseling, self-awareness, and not quitting has taught me.

All of them were my raw and true feelings. It has been said repeatedly, “know your audience,” and sometimes I forget that.

I have only lost myself a couple of times in past situations or relationships because, fortunately, I have people and strategies.

This kind of cathartic letter is one thing that helps me bread crumb my way back to the me I know and love:

Dear ___ who finally gave up on the relationship or situation to save me,

Hi! How are you? I’m okay, I guess. I just wanted to share some things with you. 

First, I want to tell you and remind myself about my awesome childhood. I was raised in an encouraging, shoot-for-the-stars, “keep trying until you succeed,” hugs, and lecture-rich environment. I’ve come to recognize and call it unconditional love. It’s how I approach each relationship I intend to nurture into forever. 

That leads me to the real meat and potatoes reason for this correspondence. 

I want to thank you for not answering my letters, emails, texts, and phone calls when all my feelings were so raw and intensely important to me. I realize now that, had you done so, I might feel so much worse (or better) about our relationship right now.

I also want to thank you for teaching me the art of channeling and showing only “one feeling.” You know, the one that’s called “I don’t give a f*ck.”

While the feeling “IDGAF” is not terribly useful when I’m alone and trying to slay my deepest debilitating fears, it works great when used on everyone and me. 

I want you to know I will truly always love you because love never ends for me. I believe love is purely unconditional. I want you to know that by not taking the time to answer my wants, needs, concerns, and fears when I share them with you, you taught me the value of self. So, again thank you. 

I realize that while I may love you unconditionally, it may be more than you need, understand, or can receive. 

I wish you peace, love, grace, and happiness. Should you ever decide to reciprocate and communicate, let me know. 

Love always and forever,

Me.

Use this as you see fit. Your life is your own.

You get to choose what you listen to, observe what you want to incorporate, and get rid of the things you no longer need or believe in.