2020—well, it’s been a shitstorm, to be frank.

I think it’s safe to say that for all of us, this year has been a crazy one. We’ve been forced to plunge headfirst into a world of lockdowns, masks, and social distancing. Normal life as we know it seems to have changed for the foreseeable future.

For me, life in lockdown has been an incredibly daunting and humbling experience. Amidst the backdrop of global catastrophe, I lost two precious lives within a week. We literally can’t make this up, and every time, it serves as a reminder, showing me the full glory of life and its tremendous beauty and sadness.

It really doesn’t help trying to deal with grief in the middle of a pandemic. Grief is messy at the best of times, but navigating our way through a tsunami of emotions during a lockdown just makes it more complex. At a time when we can’t physically meet friends and family just to pour our hearts out. When we don’t have the freedom to go somewhere just so we can see other than the four walls of lockdown.

All of this helped put things into perspective for me and helped me learn these three unmeasurable lessons:

Acceptance

I’ve always liked to plan and know in advance in which direction my life is moving—it gives me a sense of control in the otherwise chaotic nature of life. This year has come down in a crash, reminding me that life may have other plans in store. I couldn’t have predicted that we would be caught up in the middle of a global pandemic, just how I couldn’t control Dad’s illness or the life that had been growing inside of me.

It took me a while to accept these things, but as soon as I did, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, pushing me forward so I could get on with rebuilding my life.

Gratitude

Being able to say that I’m grateful for this year is quite something. Despite my two personal tragedies, I am grateful for love. Having spent lockdown at home with my husband, we have helped navigate each other through every predicament.

We’ve laughed, cried, and survived together. I’m grateful for the love and support around me from my incredible mother, my sister, and my father in spirit.

Resilience

Lockdown or not, I have come to realise that I need to keep showing up for myself. By that, I mean realising I have what it takes inside of me to push myself forward, so that even if we are plunged into another unknown, it may faze me, but only for a moment.

As for the other moments, I’ll spend them processing, feeling my feelings, and understanding what I need to do next. I know that it’s okay to cry, to grieve, and to reminisce, but it’s also okay to laugh, to look ahead, and to move on, knowing this year hasn’t gotten the best of me.

With that in mind, thank you for the lessons, 2020.

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