Chapter 1. The Impromptu Bath 

Once upon a time, on a chilly December afternoon back in 2014, a brother and sister were watching Caillou’s Holiday Movie for the 480th time in their matching Olaf pyjamas. Their Newfoundland dog, Homer, was being used as their footrest, slowly being coated with Goldfish crumbs. Lola, a 4 year old girl with big brown eyes and long messy brown hair called out for her Mom, “Mommy, please put Homey outside.”

“Why?” her Mother asked.

“He needs to go poo poo, I can smell it” said Lola.

“That was me,” proclaimed her 2 year old brother Hayden, peering into the front of his diaper, “I can see it.”

If her son could see his poo from the front of his diaper, his Mother knew that this was a particularly bad one. She scooped him up and carried him into the washroom, and started running the bath.  Lola, always curious, followed along. “I smell cheese,” she said, plugging her nose and squinting her eyes as her Mom began to undress Hayden. “No, that is not cheese, it is poo” Hayden replied. Lola bent down and pressed her nose firmly against the back of her brother’s diaper, “Mom, it really smells like cheese in there.”

Their Mother had finished cleaning up Hayden and carried him out from the bath. She towel dried his hair into a big mop of blonde curls on top of his head.

Lola looked at him, “Hayden, your hair looks silly.”

“Aww thanks, Wo” Hayden replied. (Wo was his version of Lo).

“I am not saying it looks good, why are you saying ‘Aww'” Lo said, getting annoyed.

“Ok” Hayden shrugged as his Mother wrestled his leg into his Thomas the Train pyjama bottoms.

Now Lola was furious; “PAY ATTENTION HAYDEN! Your hair looks ridiculous!”

Chapter 2. Play Time

It was an early Sunday morning, Christmas was only 2 weeks away. Lola and Hayden were making a train track while their parents sat and had their 48th coffee together. Lola realized that she had left the pink train in her bedroom.

“Come upstairs with me Hayhay, it’s dark and I want to get Rosie.” Their Dad, listening in, was moved. “Aww, does Hayden make you feel safe, Lo?”

“Of course not,” Lola replied, “he’s two, it’s because if there is a monster I can tell it to eat him.”

Hayden cheerfully obliged, and they ran up the stairs together, 200 pounds of Newfoundland dog barreling behind.

Inside Lola’s room she quickly forgot about her train when she noticed her Doc McStuffin doctor kit on the floor. “Let’s play doctor!” Lola said.

“Ok!” said Hayden, always happy to follow along with whatever his big sis wanted to do. Lola picked up her doctor kit and fumbled through for the flashlight. She asked her little brother to open wide, “My diagnoses is bacon-breath-itis” Lola announced.

“My breath does NOT smell like bacon!” cried Hayden.

“Yes it does, lick your hand and then take a big sniff!” said Lola.

Hayden did as he was told and proclaimed that it did in fact smell like bacon. “You are a good doctor” he said proudly.

Their Mother peeked in to ask if they would like a snack. Lola asked if she would stay and play for a bit first. When she asked what she’d like to play, Lola responded with, “Rapunzel. You be the Mom because she is a witch and your nose is big and you look really tired today.” That she was.

Chapter 3. Kindergarten Days.

It was time to take Lola to school, and thus began the battle. It was snowy outside so getting the kids out the door on time was a true marathon. Their Mom was half her body weight by the time she got them into their winter gear and strapped into their car seats due to all the sweating. She finally got them buckled safely into their seats with 2 minutes to spare.

”I have to poop,” Lola announced. Round 2.

Back inside, Lola finished pooping and called for her brother, “Hayden! Hayden! Come see my poo, I made a J!”

“Do not go look,” their Mother sternly said, “you know the sight of poo makes you throw up.”

“Hayden, hurry!!!” begged Lola.

“Don’t do it” pleaded his Mom – but it was too late – he was already gone, “I gotta see this!” he said as he ran to the washroom as fast as he possibly could, as though he was headed to Disney World.

“Moooom!” yelled Lola 5 seconds after Hayden’s arrival, “He barfed”.

Back in the car, they were finally on route, another late slip was imminent. The family had recently lost their beloved pet Homer to old age and were still very much in mourning. Lola, gazing out the window, asked, “Who is taking care of Homer in heaven, Mommy?”

“My grandma is, Sweetie” her Mother replied as she noticed the widening of her son’s green eyes in the rear view mirror; “GRANDMAS CAN DIE TOO?”

3 pm rolled around and it was time to pick Lola up from school. When Hayden and his Mother reached the Kindergarten pen, Lola’s teacher brought her out. “You must love to bake”, Mrs B. said, “Lola says her home always smells like delicious banana bread – how lovely.”

That’s a candle.

Chapter 4. Dinner Time

It was early evening and Lola and Hayden’s Mother was cooking dinner. Lola kindly handed her brother the ipad to have a turn, “Here you go Hayden, it’s only fair you get a turn now.”

“Wow, thanks Lo!” (he nailed his L’s now).

“That was really nice of you to share,” said Lola’s Dad.

“No problem,” Lola replied, “the battery is at 2%.”

“Dinner time!” called their Mom. They all sat down and their Mother asked Hayden to tell them about his day at preschool.

“Good, except Leah fell, so I sang ‘No Woman No cry’ to her.”

“Love that song, great choice,” replied Lola, as she stuffed another meatball into her mouth.

“Daddy, where is my meatball from? I know it’s an animal” asked Lola. A little nervously, he replied, “A cow.”

“And my carrots?” Lola asked. “They grow in the ground, in soil,” her Mother replied.

“Disgusting“ said Lola.

Dinner was finished and their Mom was cleaning up the dishes when Lola asked if she could have a cookie for dessert.

“You had 2 cookies already before dinner, that’s enough sugar for today,” her Mother replied.

“I didn’t even eat them, they are still in the playroom!” said Lola.

Her Father headed towards the playroom when Lola yelled out, “Oh come on, I’m lying!”

Chapter 5. Bed Time.

Every night, Lola and Hayden’s parents took turns with each child, reading to them and laying with them until they were asleep. Lola was with her Mom this evening, and once their book was finished she looked seriously at her Mother and asked, “Mommy, can people change their mind after they get married and marry someone else?” Her Mom, knowing that Lola was very inquisitive about the divorce of her Grandparents took this question very seriously. “Yes, they could. They would first require a divorce, but…”

“HAYDEN!” Lola screamed leaning over the Mom. “What?” he replied from the next room. “Good news! Barbie can marry Batman! I will divorce them in the morning!”

“Woohoo!” called Hayden.

In Hayden’s room, they had also just finished their story. Hayden leaned in to whisper something to his Dad. “Dad, I watched Barbie with Lola today, I know it’s for girls but I like it,” he said in the littlest, barely-there whisper. His Dad leaned in and whispered back, “It’s not just for girls, I like it too bud, let’s watch it in the morning together.” And once the divorce between Barbie and Ken was final, that is exactly what they did.

The end.