When you want to talk about your worries, does your partner run away or not listen to you? Have you picked a partner who lacks empathy and compassion? Your partner doesn´t care about your worries?

In a partnership we are always looking for an exchange. We talk about our day and tell each other what moods have shaped us. Maybe there are positive aspects, nice encounters or even anger with the boss. And those who have had a bad day need someone to talk to.

The partner is the first point of contact here. But if he immediately turns away from the topic, belittles it, or doesn’t really listen to you, you are frustrated. And sometimes the partner even runs out of the room, leaves and only comes back late in the evening. He is then no longer available for a conversation.

Does your partner not take you seriously or doesn’t care about your worries? In any case, you feel that this behavior hurts you emotionally. This situation also makes you worry about the future. What will he do if I get seriously ill or a major drama is imminent? Of course, these lines of thought are terrifying. Nobody wants to be alone in the relationship and solve all problems by themselves.

Anyone who remains alone with their worries or who has to look for contact persons outside of the relationship asks themselves internal questions. Is that the right partner? or do I want to stay in the relationship? It is possible that your friends will portray your partner as cold blooded and arrogant when they hear your story. You are also terribly disappointed that you are left alone with your problems.

Before you curse your partner, however, it makes sense to look deeper behind the problem. It is important to find aspects that are conclusive. Is your partner so cold-hearted and heartless otherwise? No? Then your interpretation of his emotional life is also inconclusive. Then something is wrong and there is a point to be found. Often times, you can find what you’re looking for by taking a little foray into the partner’s life agenda. How was his life and what challenges did he have to master? How was his childhood and how was the relationship with his parents? Have you had any problems with your siblings? These questions and their answers can provide you with valuable pointers that explain why your partner is like this.

Here the four reasons why your partner doesn’t care about your worries!

1.      Childhood experiences

Everything we experience in life shapes us. But above all the experiences of our childhood. People who had to take on responsibility very early on did not have a childhood. Not because they wanted to, but because they had to. As an adult you can feel the longing for a lost childhood. Some even catch up with childhood when they grow up. The friends describe the behavior as silly. And so it is conceivable that there are people who not only have experienced their parents’ worries, but should solve them. But this is not a job for a child.

But these things happen and the affected child is hopelessly overwhelmed. When the child grows up later, they certainly have interests other than solving problems. This grown child knows all too well how destructive problems can be. To avoid these problems, the partner’s problems are ignored. Other aspects may also have worked that ultimately lead to the same behavior. The stories of childhood are varied and everyone has their own personal solution for dealing with them. Even then, avoidance, listening, and ignoring are the means of avoiding confrontation with the demons of childhood.

2.      Fears

But fear can also play a role if your partner doesn’t take care of your worries. Anyone who speaks out about their concerns usually seeks advice right away. If you say that the boss annoyed you today and you are thinking about changing jobs, you expect an answer.

Some partners are afraid of making a recommendation that later turns out to be a bad decision. A comment is therefore avoided. This is especially the case if this has happened in the past. Instead, all you will hear is calming sentences. However, you again feel that you are not being taken seriously and resent his lack of interest.

3.      Don’t want to take responsibility

Taking responsibility is not for everyone. Some partners shy away from taking on these responsible tasks. If you go to your partner with your problems and expect a solution from them, you may not get a useful answer. This is especially the case when the solution also brings with it a life-changing aspect. If you then announce that the consequences of this change will be borne by the partner, the discussion becomes silent.

4.      Rational mind

In fact, sometimes what you see as a problem is just a trifle for the partner. Even if you are desperate, excited, and nervous, it won’t throw your partner off track. He lacks the idea of ​​being able to empathize with you. The partner thinks from their perspective as if they are the one with the problem. From this point of view, it’s not a drama to discuss either. The empathy is then not very strong.

Solutions for couplesConversation

Talking always helps! Talk to your partner about what is bothering you and what you want from him. Explain how you feel when he doesn’t take care of your worries. This can be clearly explained if one takes the reverse conclusion as an example. Have your partner imagine what it would be like if you stopped worrying about their worries. Point out that sharing joys and sorrows is a basic module of any partnership.

Root cause research

Go soulfully with your partner on an inner journey. Together you look for anchors, points, triggers that were responsible for the fact that he does not want to take care of your worries in the here and now.

Listen carefully and also pay attention to what is not said. This can sometimes be more expressive than what is being said. Keep in mind, however, that in conversation like this you may open old emotional wounds that have been repressed. It is advisable to conduct such a conversation in a particularly sensitive manner.

Free the partner

Also, make sure that your partner can answer openly and freely without having to take responsibility for his advice. Only if you can convey this convincingly is it possible that he will dare to speak his mind again. The same goes for the possible consequences of his advice. Explain that it doesn’t matter whether his idea turns out good or bad and you don’t evaluate it. Of course, it is important that you not only say, but also act. Otherwise the risk of relapse is preprogrammed.

Your partner should slowly learn to care

Don’t overwhelm your partner with the big drama of everyday life. Start with small things that are not a big deal but are a burden for you. If your partner runs away again or doesn’t respond, ask when you can talk to them about it. Sometimes it actually helps to arrange a private “interview”.

Some partners need a little advance notice to prepare for such a conversation. Take your time, even if it’s just a brief conversation. Also, make sure that your partner is not stressed, as this condition promotes thoughts of escape from worry.

Learning to ask – perceiving the answers

Make an appointment once a week at a fixed date for a small question and answer session. What bothered you this week? How have you been What did you enjoy? One asks, the other answers.

No more and no less, because it is not about discussing issues. This question time is not intended to be a solution-oriented session. This means that nothing is asked for, and no advice is required. There is also no need to comfort or appease. It’s just a matter of learning to ask questions and hearing answers.

Not meant badly, but hurt anyway

These possibilities are just examples of why your partner doesn’t care about your problems. Even if you know all of this or know the cause, the emotional hurt lingers. Perhaps you too can learn to reduce your expectations of your partner. This ensures that your pain is less and the pressure on the partner is relieved. The brutal approach should also be avoided if the partner wants to escape from the situation. Grabbing him by the shirt collar and holding on to get an answer is only destructive. Realize that there may be blockages that he cannot cope with.

If you work together on the topic, the behavior can improve bit by bit. But it won’t work without patience. And the better the basis of the relationship, the higher the chance that you can achieve a good level of communication. If you cannot deal with the topic on your own, there is a neutral third party who can help. Couples therapists, life coaches or therapists are a useful point of contact here.