Since I was little, I was always told I am like my mother. I love my mother but the choices she made when we were kids has affected how I view relationships it has affected parts of my life, I am still working on. I do not blame her, as I understand that she is hurting so much more than I ever was. There were times she had tried to stay, but she never could. Even to this day when things get too real or too tough, she runs the other way and I understand she is still in survival mode. I had to learn to see my parents from a different perspective and truly see that they did the best that they could.

Everyone has told me that I was like my mother, I look like my mother, I act like my mother, I talk like my mother, but she is mother of course I am going to be like her. Each one of her children is like her, we may have all different experiences with her since we were separated from each other at times, but she is part of us and we must accept it as is.

It has always affected how I thought about myself, because I did not want to be like my mother, I hated my mother for leaving us and for never staying. Even now I am still working through this, I know that we are similar in personalities but the more that I had learned about myself I learned that it was just learned behavior. Watching my children grow, I saw that they have my personality which is not a good thing at times because I am honest and so are they. I do not see it as terrible thing anymore, am proud that I am part of her.

I had to come to terms with my past and see my mother for who she is. My mother is an extraordinarily strong woman, even though we have a very rough past and recently started talking again. I am enormously proud that she is my mother, she has taught me so many things in my life (some of it was not her fault and I do not blame her), she has taught me no matter what to keep going. She is funny, silly, very loving, strong, amazing in so many ways I wish we had more time but I am grateful for the time we have left. I want my children to have memory with her and I want to remember her with grandchildren. She has tried to be a grandmother to my kids but never could be by the choices we have made when in anger.

(Please do not message me about this I will not answer or the family we all must come to terms with this)