My wife and I have been working with sexual abuse survivors for over 30 years and have found that groomers are one of the least exposed abusers. I hope to shed some light on how to spot them and be a more conscious human being for those who have been abused, those in a vulnerable state, guardians and parents so you may create a life that is filled with consciousness, love and joy.

Three Stages of Grooming

1. Probing-the testing stage
2. Grooming-the preparing stage
3. Acquisition-the action stage

Groomers use the needs and vulnerability, (these are typically mental, emotional, spiritual) of the individual to appear caring and loving in order to gain access to individual’s psyche in order to manipulate them.  They do this while appearing genuine in order to acquire their own needs whether they are mental, physical, emotional, sexual or spiritual.

In stage one groomers are typically trusted individuals.  They can be a parent, a relative, a neighbor, the teacher, a professional, an authority figure, someone who appears to be a friend or a confidant, a therapist, a school counselor.  The bottom line is that they use their position to gain the trust of the individual.  The purpose of gaining the trust is so that the individual is not on guard or aware that something devious is going on.  Once the person is blinded a by the possibility of having their needs fulfilled the groomer moves on to stage two.

In stage two the groomer has acquired trust and is now begins the preparation. They often begin with the psychic acceptance of them being the secret keeper and leader in the relationship. This is where the individual gives them psychic, spiritual, mental or emotional control/leadership. This is typically done very passively and appearing like the individuals needs are being considered or met. It is often so smooth that the individual being groomed never notices what happened or does not notice till the acquisition stage has already commenced or is over. Also during this stage, they are planting suggestions of possibilities that they want the individual to participate in and making the requests to come sound normal or obligatory for their service and dedication to the individual.

In stage three the groomer has moved into the act and is engaged in the fulfillment of their desires.

Groomers typically have tried and perfected their art and are rarely discovered. Where as abusers are almost always revealed. Groomers often become so confident that they may at times take on riskier and bolder acquisitional situations and become so obvious that individuals, guardians and parents do not notice them and only see them as caring or special people. This is made obvious in the cases of coaches, priests, Olympic trainers, school counselors etc. that have been exposed over the years.

Bottom line….Be conscious, be aware and be in tune with your intuition. These predators are sneaky, devious, cunning, discreet and play on emotions and trust. They have the ability to sense a vulnerable child, teen or adult.

Please keep in mind grooming also occurs in the dating scene but is often seen as pursuit or “normal” dating occurrences.

If anyone you hold in your circle of trust is suggesting or hinting anything sexual, financial or in the way of getting involved in a relationship in any way…..STEP AWAY AND EXPOSE THEM.

No truly loving friendship, confidant or trusted advisor will involve sex, money other than professional fees or physical intimacy!

I am not suggesting paranoia, only consciousness and self care.

There is a way to heal anything. The best way to heal is to be conscious of your inner life, resolve and deprogram the wounds while converting them into wisdom and self love.

If you have been abused….it is not your fault!

It is however your birthright to heal yourself and end the cycle of pain.

It is time to love yourself……

For more information or to get our workbook please contact us.

With Love and Best wishes

Michael