I don’t miss you.

I want to, but I don’t.

How is it that after two years, the only impact you had on my life was negative? How is it that after two years, I only walked away with knowing what I don’t want in a relationship versus what I do?

I guess it’s because walking away from you empowered me; it gave me the strength I needed to go deep and look inside myself for the whys of staying, settling, and accepting.

Simply said: I had abandoned myself.

Walking away showed me I own my power. I am not just strong; I am deeply powerful!

I learned that, although scary, sometimes the unknown is much safer than the expected. You see, you were no different than all the others, and for reasons that I have since discovered—emptiness, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and unworthiness—I felt that you were what I deserved. 

It never felt right, and I never felt safe. But because I didn’t realize I deserved a relationship that felt right and safe, I stayed. Until one day, I knew that the fear of leaving was nothing compared to the fear and anxiety I felt at the thought of staying. I remember thinking that I can’t spend one more day in this relationship with this man, feeling how I feel.

Explosion…

One can only stuff their feelings for so long; it comes out somehow, somewhere. Mine came out all over him.

Thank you, Universe, for saving me.

Although I felt broken, I wasn’t. I let that feeling drive me to be better, stronger, and never (and I mean never) be with someone who made me feel like that ever again.

I believe…

Love should bring out the best in us, and when it ultimately exposes our weaknesses, that love should be strong enough to conquer them and settle them.

Love—real, healthy love—should make us feel safe, comforted, and supported. Not fairy tale bullsh*t, but real, full-on true love should feel good and right—even when things are upside down.

Our wounds shouldn’t be a playground for people, especially the people we love. When our wounds are exposed, our loved ones should help heal them, not put salt in them and cause us pain.

When we love, we should feel safe enough to open up and say, “Here I am. Love me for all of this, and help me to be a better person.”

Because we can all be better, do better, love better, love harder, love stronger.

I love love on every single level. Even the loves that have hurt. Dare I say I love those the most because they brought me here.

When I walked away (which took me a very long time to do, in my opinion), my entire life changed in an instant. Although I felt broken, I wasn’t; I was opened up to new things. 

Doors opened immediately…

Relationships became stronger; I found forgiveness for myself and others; I gained compassion; my anxiety subsided; I reentered trauma therapy; my coaching business took off, and my writing improved. 

I attracted more followers; my work-life became more balanced; my sadness started to deplete, and I started to find a much deeper purpose.  

I wasn’t so focused on being “all and everything” to someone who didn’t give a sh*t.

I found me. 

I dug deep and wrapped my arms around that beautiful inner child who had never felt loved and protected before. I let her know: no one will ever hurt you again.

It’s a beautiful, but not perfect, place to be.