Around six years ago, I went through a tough breakup.

I remember watching plenty of TED talks at the time about separation, self-love, and moving on. One particular TEDx talk was stuck in my head and made me feel so much better. It actually provided me with the missing bits I needed to understand what happened and why I was feeling such a mess.

I went through a few other breakups after that particular relationship. They were painful and came as a shock, but I felt differently about them and myself. Hayley Quinn, the best dating coach in the UK, explains in her TEDx talk how love can sometimes be an act of escapism.

What this inspirational woman made me understand was that, so many times, I got into relationships to get away from who I was. Little did I know back then that a healthy and conscious relationship should bring you closer to yourself—not farther away.

But it’s funny that, sometimes, we need to lose ourselves. We need to hurt and lie on the floor with nothing but tears and shame so we can learn how to pick ourselves up again.

If you’ve ever been there, if you’ve ever felt that you don’t recognize yourself anymore in the process of loving someone else, I urge you to watch this—and watch it again.

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