Why does the voice of fear talk louder than the voice of love?

At times it feels like my fear is screaming so loud that I succumb to its demands to shut him up.

My fear sounds like Simon Cowell. I mean, l like Simon Cowell, but I have a love-hate relationship with my fear. So, Simon Cowell’s voice seems a fitting description.

Fear has a role to play in our lives though, right? It protects us from harm and tells us when danger is around.

At some point though, fear starts keeping us too safe. The dangers it warns us about aren’t really dangers at all.

In the case of my fear, he developed when I was a child—born from an instinctive need to protect myself from harsh realities. As I grew up, life events reinforced this and my fear felt justified in getting stronger.

As an example, let’s say as a child, you go through something and learn to not trust people. So, in relationships, you don’t trust people and put up a wall around your heart as a result. Maybe you get your heart broken or rejected as an adult. Then fear is like, “See? I was right—I told you not to trust people.” This fear works on a subconscious level because we all have triggers in our lives.

Fear does serve a purpose. For our ancestors, it was what kept them alive from the tigers or whatnots chasing them. They knew to run in the other direction when a predator was coming after them. Their fear kicked off the adrenaline in their body, and the fight-or-flight response. Obviously, we don’t have that fear now, but the instinct in us is the same. The triggers in us are different.

So, how do we tone down the voice of fear and increase the volume of love?

I don’t know about you, but love is where I want to be. I want to make decisions from my heart, have loving relationships, do work I love, and have my actions be aligned with love. I know when I make heart-centred decisions, everything works out. When it comes down to it, love is the purest thing in the world. So, knowing this, why do we not do this more?

I think it is the same for all of us. Listening to our hearts needs to be developed until it becomes a habit that is embedded in us. We need to develop the ability to listen to our hearts, like a muscle we exercise. The same has got to be said for self-worth, self-confidence, and self-belief. These things need to be exercised regularly, until the muscle is so strong it is second nature in us.

Remember, Simon Cowell is fierce and does not give in easily. He thinks he is protecting you. That is why you have got to be on your A-game and build your heart muscles up—until they are stronger than Simon.

Really, when it comes down to it, love is always stronger. We just have to listen.

I am a big believer in baby steps. Let’s do things at a gentle pace that is realistic to our lives. Gentle inspired action I like to call it. For example, me writing is a gentle action. I do it regularly, say, once a week. I make time to sit down and write. I do it at a pace that is comfortable for me. I then aim to build this habit by increasing once a week to twice a week. Writing is an activity I love, and I am definitely following my heart when I do it.

If I listened to fear, Simon Cowell would say, “Don’t write. Who will read your words? People will laugh and judge you. You will feel vulnerable and exposed. Don’t do it!” Simon would then kick the boot in and say, “Remember all the times in the past when you put yourself out there and failed?” My fear would feel justified.

However, this time, I took gentle inspired action—I followed my heart because I could not ignore it any longer. I needed change, and I needed to go in a different direction to be happy. So, I take baby steps, and each time, so far, they have paid off magnificently. Each time, my heart glows and I feel so happy. This is strengthening my ability to listen to my heart and make heart-based decisions.

I hope I have explained this in a way in which everyone feels like they can take gentle inspired action in their life.

We can all go in the direction of our heart, toward a life of love—whatever that means to each of us.

Life is too precious for us to not be in love with our life or with ourselves. We are magnificent. If ever in doubt, look back at lockdown and how we survived that. That is an achievement.

If you’re taking gentle inspired action in your life, leave me a comment. We are in this together.