As I sit here reading at my desk and feeling the precarious warmth of love in my life, the lavender candle sits still by the corner, just the same, waiting to be lit, waiting to spread the fragrance it is meant to spread only if ignited. I think that is how life works, its innermost and layered potentials can come alive only if it is allowed to be ignited by the warmth and light of love.
Today I also realized another old truth that I often tend to forget. So they said that my standards were and are too high and that I am a bit too much. And I have often found this be levelled against me by the ideologues of “ground reality”—that I am much too demanding and much too idealistic, probably hypocritical in that I fail to adhere to the same in practice or whatever. But tonight, you know, I have an answer for that. Of course, I am too much, of course, my standards are going to be fucking high, Of course, we are going to have to put the ideal as the reference point, why else or how else do we think would life be possible? Think about it. Even from a purely scientific point of view. What are the odds for life turning out to be exactly the way it has turned out, if things, even a tiny thing was out of place in this eternal equation? Would life even be possible? Of
course, nature makes room for trial and error too, but ultimately only the perfect interaction makes its way to further evolution..?. I mean, of course, our standards should be anything but less than the miraculous, the phenomenal, the awe-inspiring, the overwhelming universe that we happen to find ourselves in, just for this ONE time in eternity as we know it! even if the future unfolds a different reality or new systems of knowledge or new ways of accessing knowledge which might reveal a different truth, which might activate our memories of our past or future lives maybe? But what of that? Up to now, this is all I know, that this is all I will be here for, just this moment and will never be found again. so how can I agree to lose this moment of life, to a blasé a compromise? To anything less than a conviction in the truth of my imagination and the validity of what I desire? To anything less than perfection?
The world will and must move on its own accord, from the individual point of view, it will continue to do so after we leave, just as it had been doing so before we arrived. Hence, we must carry ourselves well and remember to never make our inner reality submit before the managed and manufactured and controlled and manipulated and still only inadequately understood and unstable realities of the external. Even if that leads to a punishing existence, one full of resistance, know that you would not have had it otherwise, not for all the glories of the world.