Today is not a good day. If attitude determines altitude, looks like today Hades and I are doing lunch.

Most days are good days, some even great, but not today. 5 years…a lengthy pain infused light year away, and the acute shock of the blink of an eye. Contradict much? We’ve learned a lot in that short forever, not the popular “it gets easier,” but the less understood mastering tolerance for pain and the artful skill of wearing masks. “I’m great!” Empowering and stifling all at the same time.

There is good. And unless we’re ok with the world spinning at sprint speed with marathon length and still lingering at the starting line, we’d better stay focused on it. It does work most of the time. But somedays, not very often, we get tired, we quit running, we remember, we hurt and our masks just don’t fit. The exhaustion of re-engineering a full life with half your heart takes a toll.

I realized something at 5 years that rawly illustrated with unwanted and horrifying clarity how finite our precious people and our numbered moments are…I am running out of pictures…

The sun rose today in its glorious, God given canvass for us to admire. Did anyone see it? It will set in much the same way as only does at this time of year, a visual and palpable change from the hot summer. As the yearly return of the Earth’s tilt, so comes the yearly reminder of the pain of losing you. Usually, this stunning artwork we’re gifted serves as a celestial acknowledgment of beautiful and hopeful beginnings and awe inspiring ends, but I can’t see it today. Today it has no color, today it is ugly, because today we lost you.