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The freedom to feel is the freedom to experience feeling, sensation, energy, and emotion.

It’s the freedom to experience the moment in the fullness of all that it has to offer.

To feel this requires us to relinquish many things. It requires us to let go of the patterning around pleasure which is linked to performance and the pressure this creates.

It requires us to let go of achievement, of getting it right, and making it happen. It even requires us to let go of orgasm.

We have a model of sex that is in accordance with our world. It’s based on achievement, results, outcome, and performance. It’s also based on pressure, judgment, conditioning, patterning, and belief.

It’s actually a model of sex that is inhuman, unhuman, that has nothing to do with being human, and how we are, how we work, how our bodies, hearts, and energies are.

It’s a model of distraction and contraction rather than a model of possibility and presence.

It’s a model that is expressed so well in one sentence: “I have to make her come.” Or variations of it.

Essentially what we’ve done is made orgasm the thing, the goal, the crown, the grail. And we’ve done this at the expense of pleasure, and intimacy, and energy.

I teach men, women, and couples yoni massage in many different expressions, and other sexual practices and experiences involving hands, fingers, mouths, tongues, and genitals. And one of the most important aspects of this teaching is that it’s about pleasure.

Pleasure, intimacy, connection, energy, sensation, feeling—whatever arises. It’s about the moment, the present, being here.

Here is pretty good, it’s perfect, it’s what we’re experiencing. It’s the freedom to feel.

As soon as we have to go somewhere, make something happen, we’ve taken ourselves out of the present moment, and all the wonder that it holds.

It’s important to say this here: orgasms are fabulous, fantastic, and there are so many different orgasmic experiences. Have all the orgasms you like and let them flow as a natural expression of your sexuality, of your play, of where your body is.

The freedom to feel is the freedom to experience the fullness of our sexuality.

There’s a concept of spiritual and emotional bypassing. Part of that is we don’t allow ourselves the moment and all that’s in it.

Our sexuality is the same, because as well as the amazing pleasure, it’s also a way for us to feel other things, anger, shame, guilt, blockage—in many ways, the spectrum of us.

In that space, we’re open and vulnerable to feel, and to feel everything. When it arises during these experiences, it’s a beautiful opportunity for us to look at, heal, clear, understand, and grow.

When our focus is solely on the orgasm, we pass those possibilities.

Then there’s sensation and feeling. When what we’re doing is only about getting there, we don’t allow ourselves and our partners the delicious, exciting, endless, limitless ways to feel. We don’t take time to touch, or lick, or whatever we’re doing, everywhere. We don’t explore. We don’t discover.

And this isn’t only about our partners, it’s about us. There is such arousal, such connection, such mystery in exploring her body, her yoni. It’s a journey into beauty, wonder, worship, and magic.

As I write that, it makes me think of meditating. If what we’re doing is just about getting to the end of the mediation, how present are we? How connected are we, and how much do we actually feel from it?

I meditated: tick the box for today.

I made her come: tick the box.

The freedom to feel, is to be present, to experience.

What a different experience there is in touching really slowly, really gently, so that waves ripple through her entire body;

Or when awakening places that were never touched before;

Or really feeling some fire and letting that move to her heart;

Or breathing into the sensation so it takes us deep inside;

Or meditating on the sensation of her skin, her clitoris, her G-spot, and more;

Or exploring how many ways we can touch and asking what she really enjoys;

Or approaching her body in a sacred ritual;

Or telling her what we see as we’re touching her, what we’re feeling and experiencing;

Or laughing in the pleasure;

Or crying at what we’re feeling;

Or just connecting.

I’ve been spending time exploring different aspects of clitoral massage to incorporate into what I teach.

Massage helps increase sensation, sometimes enormously, and has many health benefits. It offers such beautiful possibility to feel, and feel deeply, wildly, and without it having to be anything other than just this. And when, and if orgasm happens, it’s as a natural flow.

The freedom to feel is not about anything happening or not. It’s about being in your body, in pleasure.