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It was 5 a.m., 10 years ago, when I received the message:

“I’m gonna be in your country—meet me? It would be lovely to spend the week together and catch up.”

This was my first experience with an international love affair.

I have since learnt that these rarely end well and are often heart crushing.

Not sure I’ll share this one with family—blushing here! Honestly, writers write what they know, or at least they should.

I manage to fall for people who are not impossible to love, but the situations sure are.

I don’t believe that I’m the only one either—with 7.5 billion people in the world and the wide web open, we connect as fast as the internet connection.

There might be a greater appeal for the exotic and foreign celestial bodies, as well as accents, and different cultures. An international love is like visiting a country and experiencing the entire enchilada with all the fixings.

There are many reasons why humans find themselves in these relationships. Maybe there is something about difficult situations that make humans cling, and we like the challenge of the difficult situation. Perhaps some simply feel the grass is greener in farther pastures.

I believe that for the most part, human relationships should be easy; communication and engagement should flow without much conflict.

My heart has travelled many miles over the years. Today, I call it back home. I call my spirit home, and although my heart travels to family, my life and heart remain here at home.

Today I know I want to travel and not for love but for myself. I want to experience and live fully.

The international love affair, although charged and sexually appealing, falls short. Times zones crush us. The experience is like having jet lag, all the time, and you might not even leave the ground.

These long distance relationships are impossible to sustain over a long period of time without a plan and a definitive end in sight.

We need physical human contact, not just trips and hookups passing through countries. We need connections that are sustainable and ones that are able to grow.

Relationships develop over time, and they take patience, and energy.

International affairs are not for the faint of heart. If you find yourself drawn into one or are entering one, this article might resonate.

I rarely take my own advice, but this piece is for myself, for next time a different time zone has my heart a flutter.

Perhaps it is for you as well!