I stand in the mirror 15 minutes before an interview

I look at my wispy brows

my beady eyes

my patchy dry skin and my frizzy hair

reaching for the moisturizer

followed by foundation to hide the rosacea

I grab a shadow and brow brush because I wasn’t born with brows that looked intentional

I blend my blush to bring in some life to my face

because I didn’t look alive before

I reach for my mascara only to remember it made my eyes irritated before

lash curler will have to do

I reach for lipstick thinking

this one doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard right?

brush on some brown shadow to define these galaxy eyes

oh no

now its time to address this frizz

I pause to change my shirt to only see the frizz is now accentuated even more

from the contrast of my blouse

quick

grab the straightener

let’s seal these split ends

they need to be tamed

I still look young

which is a blessing in the long run

but right now I need to be taken seriously

and this babyface won’t cut it

“I know!

I’ll add my computer glasses to make me more professional.”

wait…these thoughts are all f*cked up

why do I feel like I have to look a certain way to be taken seriously?

what makes one look professional?

is it perfect hair and a strong jaw?

is it heavy makeup that disguises fine lines?

is it a perfect white smile and defined cheekbones?

sometimes I have days like these

where I put on makeup because of societal conforming and media brainwashing

and some day I hope to never have that effect me

because I’d like to think the knowledge I voice and the eloquence I exude and the life experience I bring and the calm nature I innately portray is what makes me professional

not my hair or my face or the clothes on my back

for those things are things I want to love to express myself when I want to, not when I feel like I should.