You know when you like a piece of clothing that belongs to your friend or maybe your sister, because they look good on it, so you borrow it? We borrow clothes, accessories and really any type of object, but you know what else we borrow? We borrow feelings and trauma.

Without even realizing it, since we were young human beings, we absorb and take feelings that our parents have, other family members or maybe our teachers. As we grow older, we listen and learn through friends and the media in general, and we borrow what they say.

Since I started my meditation journey, I realized there was a feeling, like a weight I was carrying. But I didn’t know what it was or where it came from. I heard somewhere that if you want to hear what your soul has to say close your eyes and meditate, if you want to understand why your soul is saying what it is saying go to therapy. So, that is what I did.

I went to therapy and I dug in my subconscious what it was that I was carrying that was keeping me down. That was when I understood that most of my conditioning, meaning what I thought of myself and the world, didn’t come from me. And as it turns out, a lot comes from my mother.

My mom is an extraordinary human being. She is an intelligent, beautiful, strong and independent woman. She has done so much for me, and I am eternally thankful that I got to be her daughter. But as strong, stoic and by the book as she is, I am not. I am sensitive, volatile, and I have my own off the track kind of path. When I was a baby, I needed to be assured and shown that I was loved, in a few words I needed attention. But my mom was busy because she had a brand-new baby called my brother. Because I had only 1 year of living in this life, I didn’t understand, and I demanded the desire attention from my mom. That need was taken badly, it was considered as a tantrum, as me being selfish, and it created a bad relationship with my mom that has healed over the years. But, what was not healed was what I took from that and other experiences growing up with my mom.

I learned that I could not ask for more attention and love than what was given to me. I borrowed from my mom the feeling that I didn’t deserve more, that I could not aspire for more than what was supposed to be meant for me. And believed I was not good enough to achieve my dreams. I got myself in all the wrong relationships because I was used to taking whatever anyone would give me.

I know that my mom did the best that she could, and that she taught me from her unhealed trauma. I understand that my work is to separate and know that all that unworthiness that I’ve been carrying is not mine. So I give it back.

Mom, I love you, but I give back the fear of becoming great; because I know I can.

I give back the feeling that I am not enough; because I know I am.

I give back having to make myself silent when I know I need more or different; because I have the right to speak and raise my voice and ask for more.

I give back all the relationships with people that didn’t care about me; because I know I deserve better.

I give back the need to pretend to be different; because being who I am is the greatest gift. 

I give back all the comparisons with others; because my growth is the only one I care about 

Mom, I give back your trauma and I take back my power. 

Realizing where this trauma comes from and then allowing it to go is incredibly hard and incredibly liberating. But let me tell you something, it is a choice that you have to make. Every day, we are faced with people or situations that trigger that borrowed trauma, you have to choose if you keep being a victim and hostage of whatever is closing your heart, or if you choose to do the work and let it go. I know, it sounds so easy, but it isn’t, that is the trick. It is hard, is going to break you, but in breaking that old version of yourself that didn’t know better, you are going to find a version that does know better. A version that is you in all its glory.

After embracing this healed version of yourself (healed doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain, you do, but now you have the tools to work it out), after letting go what you borrowed, use that space to be thankful and to fill yourself with everything that you are, everything that belongs to you.

Mom, I thank you for letting me see my worth on my own.

Be thankful for your journey, and then fill your soul with your purpose, with pure healed love, and then allow it to expand. Expand yourself to be great and in the service of others. To love and be loved in the right way, and to break the cycle and be a part of the healing journey of everyone around you. Because you are enough, because you deserve it, and because you can.