How many friends do you consider to be true friends?

Three? Two? One? As we get older, we realise quality is more important than quantity. In life, it’s hard to find authentic love, but sometimes it’s also hard to find authentic friends. We’ve all had at least one friendship that went sour. Often, it happens after we’ve been ignoring that sneaky gut feeling telling us that something just isn’t right for quite a while. But sometimes it really is hard to spot.

These are some of the classic signs your friendship isn’t really the right one:

1. If you don’t reach out, you never see or hear from them.

We all get busy at times—work, family dramas, tragedies, or sometimes we just need some private time. But when one friend never calls or responds to texts, cancels last minute every time an outing is planned, or responds to messages like 10 weeks later, it comes across as though they don’t really care. Effort needs to come from both sides. If that friend never has time for you, ask yourself, is this really what a true friend does?

2. You need help…and they’re not there.

When they need something…they’re quick to ask, and you’re quick to give support. But when you’re in need, they’re too busy, have a stomach bug, don’t have time, have an early start tomorrow, or feel too tired. The list goes on. Look, sometimes you need to sacrifice your time and energy in a friendship. Maybe your friend has lost their job or is going through a difficult divorce. They may want to lean on you for support or a good cry. And a good friend will be there. I’m not saying you have to be there every time they have a mini-crisis, but support during tough times is key.

3. They’re competitive and secretly jealous of your achievements.

Yikes. Watch out for the ones who are secretly unhappy with your achievements. You announce a new job, house, or partner and are met with a dry, “Ah, that’s nice.”

This hurts. We all have our insecurities, but if we can’t be happy for our friends, then I’m not so sure that’s real friendship. Real friends want to see you win. They don’t wait to rain…or better…sh*t on your parade when you’re feeling damn good about yourself. I say kick those friends to the curb.

4. They’re bitching about you to others behind your back.

They’re basically Regina George. Rumors, nasty comments, and sly remarks. That just isn’t nice. A good clue as to whether a friend is being not-so-kind behind your back is to notice whether they’re comfortable gossiping about their other friends in front of you. If they’re okay bitching about their friends to you, then what makes you think they aren’t doing the same to you?

This type of drama is high school stuff. I just don’t have time for it as an adult.

5. They ignore you when you’re hanging out in a big group.

This friend may act normal when you are with them on a one-to-one basis. But when you get together as a group, they seem to just walk off, or they ignore you and want everybody’s attention on them. It’s like another side of them comes out that you don’t recognise. I don’t know…sounds shady to me.

I say, if you have even the tiniest uncomfortable feeling about a friend, listen to it. It usually doesn’t lie. Would you add any others to the list?

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