It was a decade and a half ago when my OB-GYN slipped the words perimenopause into my yearly exam. I was officially menopausal in December of the year I turned 52.

“Officially in menopause” means that I have not had a period in 365 days. It was a long time coming. There were years within in the perimenopause cycle that would bring frustration to my soul and tears in my eyes every time I started to bleed after months of a drought.

The navigation of those years was frustrating, lonely, filled with trial and error. It seems like no one spoke of the change. The previous generations of women are not comfortable sharing their wisdom. I can understand this because I grew up with one such woman.

It was the early 80’s and my mother walked me down to a grade school at the end of our block for an evening presentation by a nurse. All she told me was we were going so I could learn about becoming a woman, I remember feeling mortified, I wanted to shrink and not be seen. I did not even go to public school, but this was a public-school presentation for middle school girls and their mothers in a rundown grade school. I was given samples and a book. Remember the belts that held the pads up? And absolutely no tampons for virgins.

Years later, I was in ballet class, wearing a pad when a high school student gave me my first tampon. I had to use my finger, I soon discovered applicators and hid tampons in the bottom of my ballet bag for years.

We bleed, we have children. We discover emotions just as a rollercoaster finds the tracks. We find our voice, some of us are pro-choice, others are not. Then we go through the change.

I will admit that my perimenopause decade or so was busy. Dealing with my hormones and figuring out the nuances of change that seemed to happen all too often. I wore many hats. Mother, wife, daughter, dog mom, cook, housekeeper, pool hand, landscaper, yoga teacher, and small business owner.

I knew something was changing. It was New Year’s Day, and I was rug shopping with my family. We stopped to eat BBQ. Walking out of the restaurant I has a strange sensation in my neck and shoulders. I was the skinniest I had ever been, a gym rat, runner, size 4-6. In hindsight, I was running away from my problems, not confronting them, so they were manifesting as an injury.

The young male medical doctor prescribed muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatory medicine AND not so gently told me that I was a crazy middle-aged woman. Needless to say, I never went back to him.

Instead of Western medicine, I found Easten philosophy. Yoga, massage therapy, and functional medicine. Instead of the know-it-all primary care practitioner I found a young man who is a blend of Eastern medicine and Western knowledge. His practice specializes in fascia release, chiropractic, acupuncture, functional anatomy and other healing modalities. Honestly, he is my greatest teacher, we still work together to this day.

Issues live in your tissues. Becoming a happier, healthier person is definitely a 360-degree mindset. Major lifestyle shifts for most of us.

I learned mostly by trial and error. I found out that things work, until they don’t.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor. I am a yoga teacher, and I am extremely sensitive to “internal disturbances”. I can feel water behind my ears, or the currents of pemf therapy.  I am in tune to energy, a reiki practitioner. This is just my story and what I went through and how my story continues to this day.

Pouch, belly, muffin top, are all lovely words for the abdominal tissue area that is my problem area. I tried everything. From 1000 sit ups a day, to flat belly tea and everything in between. I loathe sit-ups to this day, but I am making myself participate. I still struggle, but I know what causes inflammation in my body. If I choose to eat gluten or dairy, well, I will be bloated.

Hell, I even considered a boob job. If my boobs were bigger, my tummy would look smaller. You have to love Victorias Secret push up bras.

Yoga teacher training taught me to honor my body, to listen to the subtle cues. Second weekend of training, I got off the birth control pill. I decided not to pollute my body with unnatural substances. I did not choose the hormonal route, which in hindsight maybe was not the best decision, I may not have suffered as much as I did, but I do not know that for sure. Every woman is different. My girlfriend is choosing to leave an IUD in to see if her symptoms are more controlled. So far, she has an easier go at it, except for the weight gain.

Under the care of an older and wiser doctor, (one whose wife is my age) I stopped taking cholesterol meds. My only cholesterol risk factor is hereditary, and quite honestly those meds were negatively affecting my quads and hamstrings. I could not touch the floor without bending my knees and this was not acceptable to my ego as a beginner yogi. I firmly believe that statins caused mental changes to my aging parents’ brain. I trust that we all need cholesterol in our bodies and with some post-menopausal lifestyle changes I can get my bad cholesterol under control.

My stomach got mushieras I was unable to run anymore I was no longer a runner or a gym rat, I was a yoga practitioner. My body was changing, for the better or worse I didn’t know yet. My mind, well, let’s just say that that young doctor would have probably have me committed rather than suggest meds. But underneath, I knew there was something beneficial to the change that yoga was bringing forward from the depths to the surface. I kept practicing, coming face to face with my demons of all shapes and sizes. You can still find me on my mat five days a week.

The life altering concept in Yoga and Functional Anatomy that will change your life is your breath.

Yoga taught me how to breathe. Breath heals the body and mind. Most women do not know how to breathe. Nose breathing is far superior to mouth breathing. You should inhale and exhale to the count of 5.5 according to James Nestor in his must-read book “Breath”. But you have to get your breath all the way down to your hips! Now that takes a lot of practice that I still have yet to master, but I keep trying.

So now I breathe, but I still tried some off the wall things. The flat belly tea was a daily concoction of butter, turmeric, and ginger. I drank apple cider vinegar and detoxed on lemonade only, juice cleanses were a go to.  I wrapped myself in Himalayan salt and took a nap, (which feels amazing by the way). I performed various rituals. I took various supplements. I believe in the healing properties of gemstones.

Stress manifests in different ways in our bodies and causes inflammation and disease.  Reduce your stress, breathe and find gratitude in all things. Find a daily meditation practice that works for you. I either sit with a guided meditation from one of my teachers, Buddhist inspired in the morning or a walking meditation with my dog. Nature helps.

Yoga’s sister science, Ayurveda taught me how to detox. Over the years, I have juice cleansed, eaten kitchari for days straight, ate as a vegetarian, omni diet, and fasted. I can ramble on for those eight or so years of knowledge gathering but let me cut to the chase and tell you what worked the best for me. Intermittent Fasting and Whole30 with a knowledge of eating for metabolism.

Now, Whole30 was not my idea, as it seemed to be a drastic lifestyle change and I wasn’t quite ready to go there.  But in Jan of 2021 my husband had what he calls an “episode”. Any wife would call it a minor heart attack. Either way, it was a lifechanging event.

I love cooking and eating Whole30. Once you turn over your pantry, eat clean and follow the rules for those 45 days or so then BAM lifestyle change and the weight stays off, I lost 10 pounds and have yet to gain them back. I am also a fan of the Galveston Diet. She is a doctor and did research we should all listen to. Those are my kind of women to learn and grow from.

Intermittent Fasting, for me means breaking my fast around 1pm every afternoon and last food and adult beverage around 7 pm. I aim for everyday but give myself grace if that doesn’t happen. I have never been a breakfast connoisseur, so IF is easy for me.

Let’s talk adult beverage, absolutely no beer, (I cannot speak for the gluten free options) maybe an early glass of red wine, but definitely not two.  Vodka tonics are always a safe bet for me. Oh, and hydrate before your head hits the pillow. I drink a glass of water mixed with electrolytes. Experiment, find your favorite electrolyte.

If you have muscle cramps or headaches you are probably not hydrated enough. Collagen supplements are very important. One scoop every morning in your beverage of choice. Start early, I started too late.

Another thing that I have done for my tummy is a daily probiotic. And here again, they are not all created equal, and I have tried many brands. I find that I still need to switch them up every 6 months or so.

Oh, and stop, just stop buying clothes that don’t fit. Looser shirts, flowy pants and dresses, the bigger pant size are so much more comfortable. Until you figure out how to make your muffin top melt into beautiful curves of a mature woman get a new wardrobe! You deserve to be comfortable.

9 helpful best practices from Ayurveda include:

• Scrape your tongue every morning upon waking.
• Do not eat food till you poop.
• Black coffee, and only black coffee is okay, but tea is better!
• The Neti Pot is your friend (do it in the shower) especially allergy and cold season.
• Oil pulling works!
• Use only natural soaps and oils on your body.
• Sleep with respect to sundown and sunup.
• Seasonal changes change how your body needs nourishment on the skin and ingested.
• Each day has a color (seriously!) it’s fun to participate in this energy sharing practice.

Remember, Ayurveda is Yoga’s sister science, so it really goes hand to hand with what the yoga asana’s (postures) are designed to do to your body. Your body will learn to naturally detox, creating a healthier you. And, yes, somedays your arm pits will stink, but this means your body is doing her job. Pat yourself on the back, just don’t inhale!

Eleven years after that OB-GYN said “don’t gain those 5 pounds during the holidays” – at 52- I finally lost the 25 pounds of perimenopausal weight gain. What about the night sweats and hot flashes? Now I struggle with the last 10, but you know what, I just need to let that go. My headspace is better, my life is more peaceful, a little pouch is no big deal.

I have more night sweats than hot flashes. The difference for me is that I feel the hot flashes enter the crown of my head and invade my body from top to bottom at a swift pace.  Night sweats, well, they just disturbed my sleep often, sometimes for weeks. I would wake up drenched, or actively sweating. Truth be told, I still do sweat in menopause. Maybe sweating at night is a natural detoxification process, we should just let it pass through us.

I bought new sheets, blankets and comforters, multiple times. Standing fans and a window a/c unit provide some relief. Everything I tried worked for a certain time period, until it just did not work anymore.

Acupuncture, black cohosh, an Advil before bed, no red wine, no red meat, Epson salt baths, detox baths, (add ginger and baking soda to your Epson salt), an Aleve before bed, rubbing spearmint essential oils on the back of my neck and bottom of my feet as soon as I got in bed for the night. Eating your big meal early in day so your body is not actively digesting.

So, what was the kicker for night sweats? Right now, I find No sugar is the answer, no carbs and gluten doesn’t hurt either. On cheating days,I eat it early in the day so my body can detox the poisons and digest!

I also noticed that when I sleep on my belly, I almost always have a hot flash. When I do wake up and cannot get back to sleep, I absolutely LOVE solfeggio frequencies, chakra balancing, yoga nidra and tuning forks. YouTube is my friend at 4 am. One older woman said, do not get out of bed, meditate and settle, getting up is too much of a disturbance to your system and you will be too tired to get through your day.

During the day, I notice that I have hot flashes when I am not breathing. I start breathing slowly and my hot flashes lessen immediately. Currently, I usually have one hot flash around 8:30 pm. Is the universe telling me it is time for bed?

Sometimes, ladies, you just need to nap, or binge out on Netflix, chocolate, ice-cream, chips. So, honor that part, of you, do not feel guilty (because guilt isn’t real).

In closing, perimenopause isn’t permanent, it is just what it is. Do your best to navigate. There is no prescription, just be curious, and do what is best for you gathered from your research.

What works for you in your early 40’s may not work for the mature, sexy, wisdom filled 50-year-old woman you have become. Hell, what worked last week may not work at tomorrow!

I found surrounding myself with bright beautiful women willing to share their stories was the best medicine. You are not out there alone, just be the conversation starter, find community.

Share the tears, anger, love and laughter, feel all the feels. You have to go through it to get out of it. And then, I hate to tell you, the process just repeats itself. But you are stronger because of all your experiences and can handle anything thrown your way!