Safety – the sense or permission to be ourselves, without concern for negative repercussions or punishment. We see this in many different types of relationships and settings.
Safe spaces where
- others are authentically celebrated, encouraged and allowed to give feedback or concerns. Be honest about events, feelings, reactions to situations and people.
- People feel heard and, as needed, respond to adjustments made as appropriate.
- The message is inclusiveness, respect, equality, and a genuine worth and healthy interest in each other’s lives and situations.
- A willingness to support, encourage and witness the other’s wins and struggles.
- There is a sense of team, unity, camaraderie, being part of something greater than the individual and a common goal that the participants work together to create a common outcome.
Love interestingly is a broad statement in our culture, defined by the level and intensity of interaction. But relation-ship love, such as friendships, family and intimate relationships, has a greater capacity to create the sense of safety that welcomes authenticity from us.
The caveat of this, though, is…
We, as individuals, still need to have a level of self-love, acceptance and self-esteem, not requiring external validation and confidence to engage in ways that foster the level of honesty, truth and vulnerability required to create ‘loving’ and safe environments.
Since by design, we are social creatures, longing to be part of a tribe, group, family, something bigger than ourselves where our contribution is valued is important to positively reinforce our self-esteem, sense of belonging and therefore, safety. This is a key point.
Love requires an exchange between..
- With self-love, it is between our ego and our highest self.
- Our self-love needs to be stronger within social exchanges, not falter or require external acceptance.
- With work exchanges, there is a need for both. Self-love, acceptance for others and respect for another’s being and contribution to the team.
- In families or close friends, a group is where love is more significant, creating a space of exposure to the deeper part of ourselves. Where the guard can come down, and they can see and witness the rawer elements of our psyche. The pains, wounds, wins and vulnerable moments make the whole kaleidoscope of being human.
- Ideally, intimate relationships provide a safe space to be all and everything in front of the other. The level of acceptance, encouragement, support, vulnerability to be our authentic selves; express our fears, dreams, and wins are welcomed.
Unfortunately, when these spaces do not create a sense of safety and community, we respond with withdrawal, confusion, hurt, and performance change. Behaviour and communication changes, and are red flags are waving in the perceived or unsafe spaces.
While there are many reasons why unsafe spaces are created, a common theme seems to arise upon consideration. The individual isn’t feeling safe in themselves and, as a result, pull away, project, reject, become obtuse or behave in manners that pushes/repels others away.
It seems to keep returning to ourselves.
The way we
- accept, love, and support ourselves.
- See our strengths, weaknesses and dare to reach out for help, and allow it in.
- View/judge ourselves and our self-expectations of what we should be
- our confidence to be ourselves, support and encourage others, build them up without agenda.
- Tenacity, resilience and commitment to ourselves, continue being true to our values, beliefs and operate from a place of love even when others are struggling and more so when projecting.
Unfortunately, in our earliest, formative years our self-love is reinforced. We are born with it, and we fight to keep it, yet as we know, life seems to have the purpose of testing our ability to stay true to pure love (Eve and apple moments).
How to still believe we are love, loved, lovable, let alone worthy and deserving of love when the family we are born into, the schools we attend, the culture and communities we are born into aren’t filled with love, respect, care and nurture for the other?
My take/opinion on this is…As adults, it is our responsibility to come back to pure self-love to share it wide and far with others who cannot see their self-worth.
- To create the safest possible emotional space possible, that is respectful and considerate of the environment one is in at the time.
- To honour ourselves, while still considering others position and state of being.
- To lead by example, of how to face our fears and insecurities in ourselves to live a healthy, authentic life.
- Forgive ourselves for the moments we have not interacted with from love.
- To see beyond others’ projections, armour and attitudes and see the other attempting to work through their layers in this experience we call life.
- Give allowance, without enabling others to be themselves, as they choose.
- Set healthy boundaries that create healthy accountability to live from the highest point possible – love as possible at the moment, knowing this will fluctuate.
- Learn our triggers, coping mechanisms and supports that create our own safe space in our psyche to calm the nervous system when unsettled.
I know first hand, most likely you do as well, how challenging these things can be, yet, with increased awareness, reflection, contemplation, learnings, practice, healing, shifting and integration, love becomes more possible.
Imagine the life you might experience when living from love more than fear.
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