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One of the buzzwords over the last five years of my life has been worthiness.

This journey has been filled with peaks and valleys, beauty and ugliness, and everything in between. Maybe you can relate?

What does worthiness even mean? According to the definition, it means “the quality of being good enough.”

The quality of being good enough. Wow.

Who is the one responsible for measuring this? Who did we give this power to essentially judge if we are “good enough?” Well, if you’re like the average human, we often give people outside of ourselves this power. Please note, the average human has no relation to being “average”—whatever that is. It means we’re on par with the majority of people on this planet.

If we had the choice (and we do), why would we ever give this power to anyone but ourselves? The answer is it happens one tiny bit at a time. It starts with our upbringing and continues from there—from the moment we are born to our current day. It’s in the way we get approval from our parents for doing cute things as a newborn to the toddler years. It then gets compounded by our peers and grade school teachers. From there, it’s peers and high school teachers and maybe even from our bosses at a first job. It just keeps adding up as we go.

Now, add in advertising and how we are told we need to look and be a certain way if we want to not only fit in but be better than others to be worthy of acceptance and adoration. The question now is, how do we get out of this situation? Is it even possible?

The answer is yes. Yes, we can. The next question is how. How do we extricate ourselves from the constant bombardment of messaging that tells us we must be a certain way to be worthy of love and acceptance? Great question.

The answer is one step at a time. It takes a lot of hard work to undo years of cultural and social programming. You need to find a professional to guide you through this process. Otherwise, you’ll try it on your own and wonder why you still have this issue of never feeling as if you’re enough. How do I know this? Because I have been in this place and have been working my ass off to reprogram my brain to have new neural pathways and listen to the positive messages instead of the negative ones.

When I say you need to find someone, this can be a book written by someone who has gone through this process and knows how to walk you through it so you can be free of the negativity these thoughts bring to us. Be prepared for this to take a while. Try to look at it this way, you’ve been thinking in a pattern for years, maybe decades, of not being enough. Taking a weekend workshop will be a good start but it will not be like flipping on a light switch and now you’re all good to go. If someone promises that, please tell them, “No, thank you” and move on to someone who promises you they can support you on your journey and it will take a while—maybe years to fully reprogram your mind. Please also note, this will continue through the rest of your life.

While that may seem daunting and like, what the hell? It is actually a blessing. Think about it. You get the rest of your life to learn and do better. Take it from me, I didn’t always look at it this way. I used to think, “Are you freaking kidding me?!” Please trust me when I tell you, while it may be hard at first to do this, it gets easier—a lot easier. It takes some time, though.

What I can tell you is this: I used to truly struggle with worthiness. To be honest, I still do at times. This is what I mean by it being a lifelong journey—but it gets easier. As Dan Savage would say, “It gets better.” So, as you begin your journey to understand how to know your worth, know it will be a hard and worthwhile journey. It will be worth it. See what I did there?

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking, “Give me the tools so I can be free from this BS of worthiness!” Right. I will do that for you.

Here you go:

>> Understand it is only you who decides what you are worthy of having in this life. Whether it be love, money, job opportunities, cars, or whatever it is you desire. Only you decide if you are worthy.

>> What I did was stop watching network television. Why? Because of all the commercials telling me I needed this or that or to look a certain way to be worthy of love or acceptance. I no longer listen to anyone but myself for what I am worthy of having.

>> Start journaling. If you’ve never journaled before, this may take a while to get used to doing on a regular basis. It will take most of the garbage in your head and put it into the paper you’re writing on. Yes, get a real journal and a real pen and write down all of your thoughts. Even if it feels weird or you think it’s stupid. It will help.

>> Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are right now. This will subconsciously reinforce the message that you are enough.

>> Think of a baby. Do they have to do anything to be loved? No. They are loved simply because they were born. You are exactly the same. This will be your mantra. Born worthy. Or, as Lady Gaga said it, “Born this way.”

I hope this helps you. You are a magical creature. You are a miracle. You were born this way. You were born worthy. Nothing has or ever will change this fact.