“If we want to make significant quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms”

Steven Covey

We live our lives based on long held beliefs that have been accepted as truth. That is a paradigm. The good news? Paradigms can shift. The bad news? It’s hard as hell for that shift to occur. The first step is realizing that a particular paradigm is no longer serving you. We must be willing to entertain the possibility that the way we’ve viewed the world and ourselves is wrong. Especially if it’s not producing the desired results.

I’ve always been told how important it is to be humble. The trait of Humility was lumped into the group of admirable qualities I should strive to embody. Not only is it good to be humble, it’s also living like a true Christian, with Jesus serving as the greatest example of humility. I was taught that being anything other than humble would limit my blessings and exclude me from my community. That was my paradigm. 

But living a humble life wasn’t producing the results I desired. I wasn’t satisfied. And I was internally conflicted about who I was. And these blessings I was supposed to be showered with because of my humility? They were looking an awful lot like crumbs instead of the cake I desired to devour. I had to take a look at my paradigm of being humble. And my first step was to google the definition of humble. 

Humble, by definition is “having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance”. No wonder I was internally conflicted and at constant war with myself. I was living a life where I willingly chose to have and show a low estimate of my importance. Some of the synonyms for humble are self-deprecating, self-effacing, and servile. Self-deprecating is, “the act of belittling or undervaluing oneself”. Self-effacing is to “act in such a way as to avoid drawing attention to oneself or making oneself noticeable”. Servile is, “having or showing an excessive willingness to serve or please others”.

In essence, by pure definition, when someone wants you to be humble, they want you to do the following:

• Have a low estimate of your importance
• Show a low estimate of your importance
• Belittle yourself
• Undervalue yourself
• Avoid making yourself noticeable
• Avoid drawing attention to yourself
• Have an excessive willingness to please others.

Why on earth would anyone want to be humble? Yet, that is how I was raised to be and  I chose to live. My god, it sucks. Let me be the first to tell you. Just by teaching me to be humble, the world didn’t have to tear me down, because I willingly did it to myself.

Now, you’ll say, well no one likes an arrogant, haughty woman either. Ok. Let’s define arrogant. Arrogant means, “having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities”. Haughty means, “arrogantly superior or disdainful”. Disdainful means, “showing contempt or lack of respect”.

If I’m the sh*t and I’m not exaggerating who I am, then by definition, I’m not being arrogant. If I pretend to be good at something and I’m not, then I’m arrogant. If I act as if I’m better and I’m actually not, then I’m haughty. If I’m respectful, then I’m not filled with disdain.

I don’t want to be humble nor deemed to be humble EVER again. But I would like to be gracious and grateful. I would like to be self- empowered and self-confident. I want to love myself enough to NEVER have or show a low estimate of my importance or value. I also want to love myself enough to NEVER have to prove it either. I want to just BE me, in peace and gratitude. That’s my new paradigm. Those are my new beliefs, my firm foundation and truth.

With grace and gratitude,

Kathleen