I spent a long time working on my sexuality with many different teachers across various lineages – Neo-tantra, Shamanic, Daoist etc over the last 10+ years.

Now, don’t get me wrong, spending a week with Mantak Chia was good fun. But did it give me a noticeable shift in my sexuality? Not really.

It did move some pre-conscious blockages (I had some very vivid dreams), and taught me some awesome chi-gong moves. But a lot of what I learnt and experienced early on was more control based as opposed to awareness based.

What I would actually recommend to men is this:

#1. Find a partner you feel safe to meet edges or slow down with who isn’t going to judge you, so you can begin to drop all the conditioning society has told you about sex. ie

….That you need to perform.

….Make your partner happy.

….Whether to ejaculate, or not, (depending on which indoctrination you serve).

…. Plus all the stuff that’s in there that you’re not even aware of yet. (10 years later I’m still on the journey, still unearthing more ‘stuff’).

When you can be met in the intimacy and innocence of the moment it is magic. I also recommend doing this yourself without a partner, just cultivating curiosity.

#2. Find a teacher/school that will teach you to SLOW DOWN.

Slowing down does not mean thrusting slowly. It means coming into your body and being more embodied in your sexuality. Feeling all the emotions and sensations that move through you. It will make not just your sex but your life come alive.

Half of the time sex is filled with incessant thrusting because we are numb.

When your awareness is in your body, you can still be quite physical, kinky, whatever your jam is. You just get to enjoy it more fully. (Yes, another perk of learning meditation, the sex gets better).

#3. Look at where in your life you may be suppressing life. Where do your desires want to move you? Where are you playing it safe?

Life, sex (and speaking) are one and the same.

If you’ve been journeying sex, what are your top tips/insights for others starting out?