As a man, I’ve come across plenty of women who I was naturally, physically attracted to but either nothing happened or the passion eventually was lost after a consummation of the relationship.

For a woman, this is probably a worst fear being realized, in that, after intercourse the man loses interest. But women can’t be ignore that it can work both ways: sometimes the woman isn’t receptive anymore after intercourse. This lack of receptivity also plays to man’s most deep fear of rejection—that the man can sometimes wrongly attribute to himself. So, it goes both ways.

Think of it as two oppositely charged particles that can change their charge over time. For anyone who has had sex, it’s clear that the moment was right—and for that time the charges of the two people involved were opposite in nature.

When a man thinks of this reality and yet has a functioning libido at the same time, his mind is unable to grasp it. He can’t come to understand that it is this difficult—and then likewise, it’s hard for him to accept when he is having sex, how easy it all is. Women sometimes can get upset with men who never seem to be satisfied and always want more from the relationship; this can sometimes push a woman away if she feels her partner is too needy.

Also men find themselves in situations when they are not in relationships, and they start to think they will never get laid. This mental approach to finding a woman is the wrong one. A positive outcome to any endeavor requires a positive approach. An example of this is of a man, who is single, who might see a cute woman at the grocery store but, because of this man’s negative view of the whole mating process in human beings, conscious, or unconscious, he makes the situation of approaching her much harder than it has to be.

The path of enlightenment is quite simple, really. It is to see yourself as something that this universe has a lot of. It is to see yourself as whatever you need. It is therefore, to see yourself as everything. This quality in a person, this vision, can be very attractive to a person of the opposite sex.

Why would anyone with this vision, this equality of vision, lose it for the mere attainment of some sex? Well, any man or woman, in this state, certainly can still be interested in sex. A good example of seeing this natural appetite in people is to look at food and how we can at the same time be completely transcendent of it, while we are eating it.

The same is true for sex. We certainly don’t have to put the weight of our whole existence as spiritual beings in the balance because we are horny on a Friday or Saturday night. But when we find ourselves in a position to have sex, why then is that the opportune time to engage in it? It is because of the difficulty in finding people that we are interested in and who are interested in us.

If there is any stigma against spiritual people having sex, it is because the sex was pursued without a clear quality of equality between the sexes, with one sex seeing superiority over the other, whether conscious or not. We see this when men or women use their power or other manipulation to get sex. And this can happen in the spiritual world as well.

But when sex is had in a purely conscious manner, it can be wonderful. After all, sex is the action of creation, whether you think of it like this or not—and whether you use protection or not. It is said that when you open your eyes, the world is created; and when you shut them, the world is destroyed. So, sometimes we like to go out and see—and when we are out, sometimes we want sex. But there are also sometimes, when we want to stay in alone and watch television. If this is the case, why do we put so much weight on sex?

Why can sex sometimes seem to us higher than any spiritual attainment? Once we can understand sex in the framework of what makes us most happy—and that sex is only a piece of the puzzle—we can use it to our own advantage in our lives.

Have sex without attachment, without desire. Have it for your sake and for the sake of your partner. But don’t lose your attainment as a spiritual being. And if you can do that, your partner won’t lose his or her own sense of self, either.

Josh Barzell has been following an enlightened path for nearly 12 years, first under western methods of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, and later under eastern methods of meditation and contemplation.  He has written on the subject of Enlightenment, with his essay “Enlightenment in the Modern World,” which can be found in book form on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, online.  His website www.modernworldzen.com is currently undergoing a renovation.  Modern World ZEN website has other short writings that are offered for free.  Josh currently lives in Boulder and graduated With Distinction from CU-Boulder with a B.A. in Biochemistry and has been writing on spirituality since 2009.

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Editor: Hayley Samuelson/Kate Bartolotta