Did you know you, yes you, can have transcendent sex? By that I mean entering an alternative state, going beyond or breaking through the usual sense of space, time, or sense of self during sex. That alternative state could feel like being out of your body or being more deeply embodied, traveling back in time to a past life, or an expanding sense of consciousness. Entering that sort of state doesn’t require sex positions featured in the Kama Sutra or taking drugs. In other words, transcendent sex is more accessible than you might think.

Dr. Jenny Wade researched transcendent sex experiences and published them in her book Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil. She underscores those transcendent sexual experiences have little or nothing to do with sexual mechanics or technique. “They can occur within the general context of lovemaking no matter what the couple is doing,” she writes. “Some people are swept away even before they touch …. You don’t have to be a great lover or to be engaging in ‘correct’ or ‘socially approved’ sex to have a transcendent experience.”

I’ve found that to be true in my own research on spontaneous embodied spiritual experiences (SESEs), which are spiritual experiences that happen via a body movement like dancing or another form of unstructured expression through the body. For my doctoral research, half of my study participants identified an erotic aspect to their spiritual experience and this took place while dancing solo, further demonstrating not only the link between the divine and erotic, but also that touch doesn’t necessarily create a transcendent experience.

In the context of sex, why would you want it to be transcendent? For one, it can produce an ecstasy more powerful than orgasm, but also it could heal trauma from incest or other sexual abuse; support you in experiencing increased self-acceptance, especially of sexuality, gender, and preference for partners; help you live in a more loving, connected way with all beings; and bestow you with increased energy, to name a few.

This sort of sex happens at least once to 1 out of every 8 people, so again, not reserved for a Tantric sex master. To experience transcendent sex for yourself, I have some recommendations for you (and they might now be what you imagined!). These come from my expertise as a certified sexologist, yoga therapist, and sex therapist.

My first tip is to know your own body. As I wrote in an article for GoodTherapy.org, pleasure is not normalized, and learning to touch your body is not something many people have considered consciously. However, how can you know what you enjoy if you haven’t done any exploration? That can be done with a partner of course, but if you already know what you like, sex will be that much more enjoyable. And again, transcendent sex can be a solo endeavor.

Another option to try if you’re interested in transcendent sex is eye gazing. Eye gazing is what it sounds like – looking at yourself in the mirror or looking at another without assessing appearance but rather to spend time with the person you see. Eye gazing is a practice and it takes time, like any other practice, to cultivate. It may feel uncomfortable at first but you can increase intimacy and a deeper union with the person you’re looking at – yourself or someone else.

Are you concerned about doing things the “right” way? Do you take things seriously? My suggestion is to remember to have fun. Transcendent experiences do not require a stringent level of seriousness. A spiritual teacher of mine from many years ago was pivotal in demonstrating spirituality or transcendence does not preclude fun.  The ability to have genuine fun is a sign of being present, and presence is key if you’re interested in transcendent sex because it means you’re not in your mind, wrapping up thinking about other things.

My last tip might surprise you, but learn more about transcendence, peak experiences, mysticism, and your own psyche. Inquire within to see if this is something you are interested in experiencing in this lifetime. If you’ve read this far, it likely is!

A final note: Sex and sensuality are a way for you to get to know yourself, another, and the cosmos more deeply. Your sexualness is your gift to give and it could be sex is a gift you receive, on more levels than one. If you’d like to learn more about transcendent sex, check out Dr. Wade’s book and hop over to my website www.wholepersonintegration.com.