When you’re a woman, happiness is just one purchase away. As long as you’re willing to objectify yourself, scream and run after free shoes, and your breasts don’t get jealous of your butt.

Sarah Haskins gets all Jon Stewart on us and skewers mainstream bullshiite—a real relief as much as it is revolting to be reminded of our sillier, stupider commercialized moments as a monoculture.

For Current TV, via Feministing:

Sarah Haskins: Lessons for Women in 2009