She was staring down the hallowed halls, trying to make out a shape that seemed to be sauntering in the deafening darkness, pinching her eyes together as one does to tone down the rays of the hot defiant zenith. That did not help at all, all it did was make the darkness stretch melodramatically. So she just waited by her dorm room, allowing time and his silence to torture her, it was awfully quiet in the girls quarter, after all it was Monday, some were still recovering from yesterday’s Beerfest, others were consumed by the books- and some like her were waiting. Last Tuesday when they met up at the ravine in Portugal, he had promised to come to Marseille to visit,,, and in her untimed outpouring of emotion, had indirectly divulged that they might pick up where they left off, both knowing what that meant- it was like an enigma, a coded message deciphered by spies in one of those hefty, romance anticipated- terrorist movies,,, and it felt hot.

She never understood why he dismissed the notion of owning his own cellular phone, it would put people at ease, but he can be so obstinate and uncompromising, that one would swear he did it just to annoy. He said he would contact her from the nearest phone booth once he was nearby, that was four hours ago, he should have been here by now, all hugged up in her arms while they engaged in scintillating and art enticing conversations, that often led to predatory, primal love making that left them breathless, but with a little energy to mull over what was happening between the both of them. Neither wanted to be the first to admit their feelings, neither wanted to give what they had a name,,, they thought it better so, names always gobble up the romance, leaving you to drown in a loveless abyss.

She was now choking on the obscene thoughts rummaging through her mind; the idea that something of a terrible nature might have befallen him, felt like she was experiencing asphyxiation-for the first time in a long time she became afraid. She looked at her phone constantly to check the time and see if she didn’t miss his call- how, was of the gods, for her phone was not on silent. Sitting on the cold, unmated floor, impatience mixed with fear and hunger made her look like something from an eerie past. She was uncontained by the hard floor and the wall on which she was now banging her back. It was eleven pm now. She stood up like a woman possessed, went down stairs, and waited outside the residential house, checking the coast to see if he was approaching. She was wearing her fainted powder blue cotton pyjama pants, that were three sizes bigger, but somehow looked effortlessly sexy on her. A soft grey shirt that hugged her supple breasts, leaving little to the imagination, considering her nipples were erect due to the adrenalin that was coursing through her. She could smell noodles from the nearby restaurant, and she remembered that she hadn’t had a morsel to eat since this morning. But being famished was not a priority compared to the growing fear that now consumed her like death.

That was ten years ago. Frankie never showed up, never called, never did nothing. Everyday felt like death was creeping in and was going to strangle her any moment now. In her dorm, she felt like she was going bonkers. She was out of her element. Why was losing this man who was afraid of touching her heart like she did his mind feel like such a great loss? Maybe because he understood her peculiarity, her singular tastes, maybe because they were in sync. The first time they met was in the state library situated not far from Starbucks. Elina loved Starbucks coffee, it was a drug, a constant obsession that milked her finances. But she didn’t mind, the bean was worth it. She was sipping on a skinny latte on the far end of the library, making sure not to slurp to avoid catching a stare from the ‘chamber mistress’ as she affectionately calls her, to herself anyway. He walked with such confidence towards her, like a well versed scholar with many accolades. He had prestige. Not that he said anything, but his presence was authoritative and demanding of attention. He coyly sat beside her, placed his many volumes down on the floor, with a thud that almost made her spill her coffee. He looked at her instantly besotted, and as soon as they locked eyes, a spark emanated. He wasn’t that handsome, he wore a black turtle neck tucked in black denim, a black belt with a silver eagle buckle. His hair needed grooming or the attention of a barber, his lips were slightly black, like that of a habitual smoker. He was tall and skinny. His hands were veined and looked like that of a manual laborist, not a man who handles books. He had thick dark eyebrows that made him look intense and brooding,,, those eyes are the reason why she paid close attention, even gave him a minute.

She had heard rumors from her friends that they’d seen him get locked up, some said he was diagnosed with some mental illness and taken to a mental hospital in America. Her sister even insisted that he was on the news for smuggling a stolen painting across some border- but that she knew was a lie, because Adelina hated Frankie, maybe because he never paid much attention to her when she was around, and that puzzled and eventually annoyed her sister because every boy courted her because of her undeniable beauty, leaving many girls vexed, but Frankie only ever saw Elina and dismissed Adel with such ease . All these were rumors. The truth however, remained a mystery. Elina realized how little she knew about Frankie, theirs was about the world, their topics had not ventured into their personal histories. They spoke about art, music, poetry, religion and spirituality, sex- never about the economy, politics or such that had the power to sap life out of your very soul, ‘how awful” he would retort every time they brushed over such subjects he said were meant to stifle the human spirit. They had known each other for four years now and were so comfortable and un-needing of attention in each other’s company.

Today was a beautiful day, it was spring, so everything was hauntingly beautiful in Lina’s eyes, as he affectionately used to call her. So she decided to leave her beautiful cottage house, far out the countryside to take a walk to the market. She still had the body of a goddess, and the beautiful white summer dress she wore with flower embroidery looked fantastic on her, she was never showy with fashion, always kept it subtle and lady like. She wore her long silk black hair down, it touched her waist, her eyes had the power to bring Kings to their knees, they were hazel and very soulful. Elina rarely smiled, but when she did, she melted icebergs. Something with real power was able to make her smile. She contemplated on taking something to wear in case it gets nippy, but decided against it. Her charismatic build made her look like Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom and war amongst many things. She had full plump lips that dared you to kiss them, and a haughty stature that was quite alluring. As she walked past the lilly field on her way to the markt,,, she heard someone call out ‘Lina’,,, she knew that voice,,, she turned around, it was Frankie in a war uniform, she couldn’t believe it, she crumbled down and fell as though she didn’t have knees, even after all these years, he still had the power to bring her to her knees.

He walked eloquently towards her, you could see that his heart was way in front of him, the look on his face made a man of his stature look pathetic, but he wore it anyway. His hard face and intense eyes softened as he gazed at her, she still looked like she did ten years ago, even more beautiful- mature and ageless. He knelt on his white pants to cup her face in his hands, all of this felt surreal- as though the gods were playing with her mind. “where have you been?” she asked as though he had only disappeared for three days. He kissed her forehead gently, led her to the riverbank where they sat. She couldn’t take her eyes of of him, he looked put together, not like the Frankie she knew in college- this one looked like he’d seen the worst, but it only sharpened him, he looked like a warrior. His body filled the regal uniform in all the right places, which made him look formidable. As they sat down, he started to speak, “you haven’t aged a bit, not a single line beneath your Ambrosial eyes. When I came back three years ago, I asked of you and I was told that you had married, to a chap who worked in the office. I remember you saying such men were not in shape and in need of creativity from the Gods.” She looked down and shyly smiled because it was true that she’d said that. She brushed a single loc of hair behind her ear, her posture was unremarkably contained, like that of a ballerina, reminded him that she was once one of the best ballerinas in the Perfoming Arts school in France, always center stage, she was even cast in the famous play ‘The Ice Swan’- oh how she took his breath away the first time he saw what she could really do. He went on, “so I laid back, crushed of cause and angry at myself, at the world, but mostly at my father. You know that me and my father had a rocky relationship, in fact it was filled with landmines that exploded now and then. I never hated my father, in fact I respected the man, for all he had accomplished in his life,,, the only thing I detested about the old man is that he did not have an ounce of respect for what I was studying or what I thought, I was merely a convenient tool of war he would use to crush the confidence of men who didn’t borne sons like he did, I was like a latent nuke he impatiently waited to code and send off to incinerate his enemies,,, he would always remind me that Linguistic studies was for women and weak men who only existed within the shadows of their fathers, nursing their soft characters. See,,, the men in my family were war men- Generals, so it was my destiny. well,,, the night I promised to come over to your dorm, I got into a fight with the old man before I left home for college that afternoon,,, that’s when I ringed you, to tell you I would come over so we can catch up. Anyway, when I returned home to freshen up before I left for your place,,, there was a military car outside, didn’t raise much alarm, thought dad was just home to get something. As soon as I got into the house, he was nowhere to be seen. Instead two military officers towered before me to tell me that the General had requested my presence at the base. They didn’t even give me a chance to say anything. Because I was scrawny as you remember, and I looked at these men before me, I knew that this was not a war I was going to win.”

They were looking intently into each other’s eyes as he paused for effect, breaking the glance occasionally to travel back to the moments that changed his life, as usual, her eyes were trimming tears that threatened to fall. “so I didn’t make much of it, because like I always told you,,, the old man had a taste for drama, you should hear him when he gave motivations for war- you knew that this was the best place for his type of theatrics. As soon as I was launched into his office like a man who had nothing better to do than to be tossed around for pleasure or amusement, I knew what was going on. I saw the expression he was wearing, which was that of a war man and not my father. He spoke a lot of gibberish, I only recall one thing he said which would set the course of my life- he said I will not disgrace the Strafsmore name, I will become a General, just like him, and his father before him and his father before. He told me how he had enrolled me into the military school, and how training would start immediately,,, and how I will not make him look weak by being a coward. From then on I was led to my place of slumber, and that was that. Trainees were denied phone calls. We woke up at four and retired at 01:00. As soon as training was done, we were moved to another base in Pakistan, where we would meet new coordinators and receive war instructions. Not a day did I complain, because I knew my fate. I made sure to forget your number and hopefully you, but you became the thing of my dreams, an obsession I could not aid. I imagined all sorts of things about you- the only thing which brought me any real pain was imagining you dead. If you were married, I could take it, as long as you were alive- so I could explain to you that I was not a coward. That’s the only thing that drove me in that hell,,, to make it so I can look you in the eye and tell you the truth.” The river was glowing with shards of light like glass flowing in the water, it was beautiful, it stretched so far, giving the place a prodigious look like an island surrounded by the ocean. The daisies brushed against her skin, the whole field was covered in daisies, like a godly inspired picture. He looked closely into her eyes, examining what she would say before she said it. She opened her mouth to speak, and he thought she was going to curse him and send him on his way like a wounded stray, but she gently put her had on his cheek, and a tear fell from his eye, softened by her smile, she said, “I missed you”. And he pulled her in close and kissed her with such longing and passion, such hunger, that had consumed both of them all these years.