This weekend I went for a BIG wander.
A MASSIVE adventure for me.
I’ve not been big on adventure recently as LIFE in itself has been enough adventure.

I made mistakes…SILLY ones.
I fell over, once in the car park before we even set off!!!
I learned new things about myself as I navigated some new terrain.
Not only in the landscape but in my own body and mind.

God it was cold!
God it was hard!
God I’m knackered!

The initial giddiness left after an EXTREMELY cold swim. The water not too bad. But the wind was biting.

My inner voice constantly at me …

You aren’t safe.
You can’t do this
You aren’t good enough.

This has been the part of me that kept me trapped. The nagging part that has always kept me where I KNEW I didn’t want to be. The one that “kept me safe”

I listened to her minute by minute as she cajoled me to STOP. Through rain, wind, and an icy dip she sat on my shoulder. Testing my patience and in the end I got annoyed.

At the top as I stood in the wind, I let out some sobs.

“FGS STOP!”

With about an hour to go (8 hours in) I lost my will to go on. Exhausted, pain, total depletion of my Spirit, I lost my temper, but I found an old inner fire.

In the end when I my ankle wobbled, I LAUGHED.
I SANG out some words that were in my head.
When I slipped on my arse for the very last time, wet and filthy, I sat in it and SMILED.

It will take me a few days to look back and see my lessons of that journey to their FULLEST.

I was tested way beyond what I thought possible. But tasks completed now that I thought impossible is one way of keeping her quiet.

With each new experience I’m doing my VERY best to kill the old chatter.
With every journey I take I TRY MY BEST to learn.

The expansion of who I thought I was THE hardest journey I’ve EVER taken. But something is pushing me along despite the VOICE.

Luckily my guide was extremely experienced and looked after me well.
I CANNOT feel my legs but still grateful.

I will leave you these questions to ponder this week…

What are you wanting to do but THE VOICE stops you?

How does THE VOICE keep you “safe”

What small thing can you do this week to step into a new phase of your life?