You wake up bright and early, dash to your morning express yoga class, quickly change into your dress and heels, applying lippy in the mirror and grabbing a coffee from your favourite corner cafe as you fire up your work phone and jump on the train, just like thousands of other successful and powerful women. Squished in like sardines listening to your music and trying hard not to drip your almond latte everywhere. I’m pretty sure you would be doing what many other ladies are doing. NOT thinking about work, but rather looking at all the engagement rings on the fingers of other ladies…and staring out the window wondering when it will be your turn.

HOW do these women have it all? They have the same life as me, we live in the same neighbourhood, have the same “in season” shoes and I’m pretty sure I saw that lady over there at my meditation class yesterday. Behind closed doors you are all just like me, spiritual, connected, soft and ready to find a partner, and yet you cannot portray this in your day. “Don’t be too soft, don’t be too emotional, you need to be STRONG to get your way”, they tell you.

What if I told you you could have all of this, be everything you ARE and not hide anything away AND attract the love of your life?

It’s totally possible, and in order to get what we desire and deserve, we need to look at what you’ve been doing that’s not working. You’re probably just like the women I know who were not even aware of this! So don’t worry, i’ve got you covered. And, for a bit of masculine perspective, I asked my partner for his insights to share with you. Be prepared, what I am about to tell you may be triggering, but trust me when I say this could also change everything. Let’s focus on the end goal of you ATTRACTING deeply satisfying love and partnership, right?

So back to our question: Why do successful women struggle to find a partner?

There’s many ways we can look at it, but I’m going to share what comes up the most with the women I work with.

You’re probably like Michelle, she’s professional, and successful AND spiritual, she’s got her life sorted, apart from this missing link, she wants to find the same in a partner, she craves a deep intimate connection. Michelle was brought up as an independent woman, she always offers to pay her way, finds it easy to take charge, she rarely asks for help, because it’s important for her to show that she is strong, and has it all together, because she does. Yet sitting on the park beach in her lunch hour with her girlfriend she confides that men just don’t seem impressed by that and even come across as intimidated to approach her. This just leaves her confused and at a dead end with trying to be “femimine” and wait to have the guy make the first move.

The thing is (trigger warning) men couldn’t care less about the level of success you’ve acquired in the corporate ladder. It’s literally not on their list of desirable traits in a partner. And that doesn’t mean you’re not an incredible boss babe who deserves recognition, far from it, it just means that you don’t need to flaunt it on your bumble profile as a way to get attention from your potential match. That’s not a high value woman, a woman of virtue in the eyes of a man (as said by my man). That’s a woman who wants to out compete you. The least attractive thing is a woman who’s trying to be superior or outshine masculine traits with a man. No man likes this, it’s what they value for themselves, but not from a partner. A man values a feminine woman, a woman who cares, a woman who nurtures and nourishes, that protects his spirit, his soft side, and holds space for him to be the man he was born to be, without competing for the throne. We all know that behind every strong man is a pretty powerful woman, and you were made for that role.

Just like the Yin and Yang is a balance of black and white, dark and light, so too a relationship must have this balance or ‘polarity’ between masculine and feminine. And that doesn’t mean that you don’t have masculine qualities and can’t express them, you absolutely have both. A man will have feminine traits that need to be expressed, but if both man and woman are too far to one extreme then the scale will start to tip.

Like Michelle, you shaped yourself to fit into a man’s world and get ahead to the point where you don’t need a man. But I’m guessing you want one right? So you can soften into his strong arms and feel safe, protected and supported. This is where you belong.

What I see time and time again, is women who have given up parts of themselves and hustled so hard to get where they are today, which is so admirable. Yet in this process, they neglected the little girl within who just wants to be held. The one that doesn’t want to be so strong and do it all on her own.

But how can a woman who wants to still be successful and have a career life fit into that mould? Am I saying you should just surrender and give up your views on success and self sufficiency ? No, absolutely not, Queen. But the thing you need to understand is that you don’t need to make it a competition with your prospect partner as to who provides more. Because it’s such a manly thing to do. You’re trying to out compete, you’re trying to be more successful financially. Your success is beautiful but there’s something different behind it, when you really look inwards to your soul and purpose. It’s not how many sales or how much money you’re making. It’s your contribution in terms of creativity and flow – this is the feminine giving energy and passion behind your purpose and that’s what men really appreciate. You have the power to create life! Let this be your guide, because it is oh so welcome.

Michelle was going through her bumble profile and it looked pretty impressive – she had a double degree, travelled to over 30 countries, speaks two languages fluently and is pretty talented in music. She should be a catch right?

Maybe not so much for that man that wants to feel that he can guide and offer her something new. Because deep down a man wants to show you a new experience, so how does he do this if you are already fully accomplished and have done everything?

Short answer: He can’t.

When he can’t do what he was biologically born to do, he will get bored, and move on. He wants to be a man of VALUE, and he wants to be that for you.

Dating tip: Where can you surrender and be open to a new experience? And really share how impressed you are by this. I guarantee he’ll want to make the effort in the future to share his world with you.

Some would say there is a war on masculinity, and while I don’t want to get into that topic, I can say there is a lot of confusion around equality and it has led men struggling to see where they fit in. It’s no wonder they are unsure if they should make the first move, and call me traditional, but I kinda like it when they do.

Though, it doesn’t mean you need to sit around waiting till the cows come home, and the phone to ring. I love to play with the sweet innocent and cheeky feminine nature of creating space to be asked out, rather than taking control all the time.

How does that look, you’re asking me? It could be a bold but cute message saying “if you did feel like asking me out, I might just say yes…, but I’ll leave that up to you to take the lead”. To me this is a woman who is ready to guide a man into his greatness in a subtle and nurturing way. Feel free to use it, the next time you’re wanting to see if a guy is interested.

If you do, promise me this. Afterwards, be patient. If he’s interested, he’ll come to you. If not, you deserve one that is ready to go the extra mile to get your attention.

With this new understanding and awareness of herself, Michelle started to make some tweaks. She found she was more receptive and things started coming to her. One day, she listened to her intuition and decided she would walk home. As the afternoon sun gently touched her face, she noticed a book shop window and a poster that said there was a live talk about to start on “How to attract your deeply satisfying relationship through Human Design”. Her gut told her there was something here for her, so she followed that spark of excitement.

She had heard of Human Design, and knew it was a system to understand who you truly are. She was ready to remove the conditioning from the world and reconnect to her soul’s wisdom and inner truth, so she skipped across the road and walked through the door….

Are you interested to learn more about how to attract a deeply satisfying relationship?

I have created a free ebook that goes into all the juicy details here

Meet the author Ella…

Ella is a Relationship and Human Design Mentor and has spent the last decade exploring spiritual, somatic and therapeutic modalities to have a pretty robust tool kit.

She truly believes that showing up authentically and sharing from values, principles and beliefs, she is giving you a permission slip to do the same.

What she shares comes from experienced and embodied wisdom and shows you that at the other side of the deep inner work is the most deeply nourishing connections and love beyond your wildest dreams.

Freedom, abundance and joy are your birthright, so let this e-book be the catalyst of you reclaiming yourself in the most daring and rebellious ways!

The information she shares has helped women ATTRACT what they desire and deserve all around the world, download your free e-book here