Being in love feels good.

During the euphoric stage of a relationship, we feel fresh, elated, and lucky.

We must have done something good in our life to deserve this unmatched union. We have waited for so long for this kind of love, and, finally, it’s here.

Fast forward a few months, maybe years, when the euphoric stage comes to an end and our real, flawed selves come to the surface. We don’t feel so lucky anymore. We’re no longer elated and surely not deserving of this emotional mess.

This is what immature love looks like: a complete emotional mess.

I’ve had my share of it, and I can finally say that real, mature love knows no mess. It’s pure, calm, and believe it or not, sexy.

Have you felt it yet? Here are 15 undeniable signs of a mature love:

1. Contributing to your partner’s happiness. You’re not the main source of your partner’s happiness; however, you do contribute to their positive feelings.

2. Focusing on the good. Because human beings can never be perfect, it’s impossible to have perfect relationships. That said, even when you recognize your partner’s flaws or imperfections, you choose to see the good in them.

3. Forgiving and…forgetting. Your relationship may have many ups and downs, but you understand that you can’t let your pain linger. You choose to move forward—together.

4. Validating your partner’s emotions. You normalize how they feel without putting them down or criticizing them.

5. Taking your partner’s needs into consideration. You understand your partner’s desires and why they’re important to them. Even if they don’t make sense to you, you remain considerate and actively work on meeting them.

6. Maintaining your individuality. You work toward achieving your personal goals and interests and place value on them. When you preserve your individuality, you preserve your relationship.

7. Having a healthy relationship with yourself. You make time for yourself, you check in with yourself, and you understand that your level of emotional maturity highly dictates the journey of your intimate relationship.

8. Addressing issues and solving them easily. Even when things get tough, you focus on the end result and you’re committed to understanding each other.

9. Overcoming unrealistic expectations. Expectations are normal and healthy as long as they remain realistic. You both realize that making false assumptions only leads to disappointment and bitterness. Consequently, you constantly work on knowing your partner’s intentions before drawing any conclusions.

10. Overcoming “happily ever after.” You dwell in the present moment with your partner and make the best of it. You understand the universal law of impermanence and the changing nature of human beings, and so you don’t expect a ’til-death-do-us-part relationship.

11. Being accountable. You understand how your actions and reactions may affect your partner and therefore are ready to take ownership for your mistakes.

12. Accepting the differences. Even if your partner’s beliefs and opinions differ from yours, it doesn’t stop you from connecting with them. You understand that having differences is okay as long as your core values match.

13. Understanding the importance of communication. You don’t vent, attack, blame, or give the silent treatment. Instead, you approach conversations in a friendly manner that yields positive results.

14. Keeping destructive emotions at bay. You know that your negative emotions (such as anger or jealousy) may get the best of you, and so you actively work on not letting them affect your relationship. You cope with them, but you also replace them with love, kindness, and empathy.

15. Healthy and active listening. Your let your partner speak freely without interrupting or judging them.

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