In November of 2020 I received a call from ABC’s The Bachelor. They were filming locally and in last minute need of a yoga instructor who would be good on camera. A former boss watched my stories regularly and had put in a good word for me. This was probably the first time my efforts of showing up on social media with purpose paid off (side note: I’m glad I ignored every person who called me vain and discouraged me from showing up), but no amount of instagram stories or modeling gigs would prepare me for what it’s like to film a nationally aired television show.

After makeup, I was given an earpiece, a mic and a script, then ushered into a room with multiple large cameras and extremely bright lights. I had exactly the amount of time it took me to walk into the room to memorize the script and begin reciting “b roll”. I’m going to be completely honest with you, I froze. There was a ringing in my ears and even when the producers started feeding me lines, I stared blankly into the cameras like a deer in headlights. I began sweating profusely and my mouth went dry, so I excused myself to the bathroom. As I sipped from my water bottle, I assessed my options; I’m here, it’s happening, there is absolutely no way of getting out of it, and even if I could I wouldn’t forgive myself for squandering the opportunity. I could either bomb on national television or I could get my shit together. I acknowledged the fear, accepted it in my body, and with a few deep breaths, transformed that energy into something I could use. I walked in front of the cameras, hit all my lines and a few moments later the couple walked through the door and we successfully filmed the date. If you youtube season 25, episode 7 of The Bachelor (Matt & Serena try tantric yoga), you would never guess that I was on the verge of a panic attack moments before filming.

There have been other times in my life I’ve felt this intense fear. Stronger than the fear of shredding the Lower Blackwater River or climbing a multi pitch trad route on Seneca, was the fear I felt the day I handed in my two week notice and quit my secure full time employment. I was giving up $45k/year as a resort spa massage therapist (not a bad chunk of change for a 23yo) for a very loose plan to work for myself – which my mother assured me was ridiculous and doomed to fail. I was guided by only the trust that I was meant for more in this life than the soulless work of massaging countless drunk tourists. I repeated this to myself every single step on my way to the manager’s office. 90% of the way there, I considered turning around. If I had, I never would have traveled to Costa Rica to become a yoga instructor and I never would have gone on The Bachelor.

The last time I felt this fear was this past summer when I was offered a spot in a mastermind that would turn into the second most expensive investment I’ve made in my education and personal development thus far – coming at a time when my business was staggering from the effects of covid, making the payment required me to stretch outside of my comfort zone. By this point the fear had become a familiar friend, letting me know that I was onto something good. I took a deep breath, turned that fear into fuel and dove into the deep end.

I tell you this story to remind you that fear is inevitable. If you’re living, really living, you will find yourself in situations that will scare the shit out of you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Use your breath to turn it into the fuel you need, and accomplish your dreams.