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Lately, I’ve been all about taking breaks.

I wish I could say it’s because I’m actively choosing to prioritize self-care, but mostly it’s because my motivation and energy levels are low.

Like, scary low.

Almost flirting-with-zero low.

I’m someone who usually thrives off of routine. Although I work from home, I have a fairly set schedule for myself during the week.

Normally, this schedule brings me comfort. It allows me to show up fully and feel accomplished.

But for the past few weeks, my routine has felt exhausting. Even a bit oppressive. And it’s not that anything about it has changed drastically—except maybe me.

I feel worn out, both in ways I understand and ways that are still a mystery to me.

At some point, I noticed that I was getting out of bed later and later each day. And my lunch breaks were becoming longer and longer, or one break was turning into three or four. And sometimes those breaks accidentally turned into midday naps.

The anxious person in me, the one who clings to routine, was starting to get nervous. I worried that maybe I was slacking too much. That I was giving in to this lack of motivation instead of pushing through. That if I could just get back to my “normal,” I would start to feel normal again.

That might all be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am where I am right now. And at the moment, I am tired. Drained. Sapped.

Which is why I could not love this reminder from therapist Kobe Campbell more than I already do:

 

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A post shared by Kobe Campbell, LCMHC?? (@kobecampbell_)

“You don’t have to be overwhelmed to begin meeting your needs.”

Without really knowing it, I had started to meet my needs, even when I couldn’t really understand where they were coming from. All I knew was that I needed time and space to do nothing. To fall asleep at three in the afternoon. To take a longer walk with my dog and be out in the sunshine and chilly air. To log off my computer before the sun went down. To lay on my couch and stare at my phone…or the ceiling.

To say, I’ll do this later. Or tomorrow. Or whenever I’m able to.

And to not feel guilty about it.

I know that at some point I’ll start to feel more energized, more motivated. But until then, I’m going to embrace where I’m at and continue meeting my needs—instead of judging them.

~