It was a new morning, a new way to be in the Elephant community. I read articles while actively listening to what they said to me. I read without distractions, reading to find my question for the day. 

Often, I’d rush into the Elephant, read an article or two, and ground into the community spirit. It’s peaceful here, and then I’d try to ground further by writing a pithy comment or two. Then I would run from that peace, thinking I’ve got so much to do today. 

I run through my days, my brain set on achieve mode, saying, what’s next? What’s next? It’s a juicy way to engage with my beautiful life passionately. Then I’d take it a step too far, sucked into a spiral of ever-rising frenetic energy that looks wild and delicious, but is it? 

My antidote is to slow down and listen.

Today I didn’t feel the need to write my comments before even finishing reading. In the past, I was concerned with what I had to say, inadvertently trying to draw focus to myself by oversharing. Ouch, that’s a life lesson. 

The reason it’s OK to accept the sting of that lesson because I’m practicing Maitri. I find equanimity by accepting that I’m good as I am. Not having to deny it, not trying to run away for it, finding my good right here and right now. 

I can practice being in the moment while reading. It’s so different from my usual focus on wanting to get there. There that never seems to be here, and I leave this moment before I’ve even experienced it.

From a centred place, I give myself unhurried time to read. I choose to listen intently to what the words say to me. I prefer not to think about what I’d say; it’s too early to write a comment.

That form of thinking makes me more concerned with what I have to say, and my connection to the words diminishes. 

Like any skill, it will take repetition, and there’s good in the journey. Each time I stray from my choice to listen, and if I go to self-judgement like, I did it again, I can choose to practice Maitri and leave judgment behind. Currently, I’m practicing a lot. 

Here’s my practice while reading. 

1. I choose to be in the moment with the article, giving it as much attention as possible. 
2. I listen to words form in my mind, and if my thoughts turn to what I want to say in reply, I stop, take a breath, and release the desire to make mental notes. 
3. I accept who I am, that that’s how my mind works, for now. In accepting, I’m practicing Maitri. 
4. I return to the moment, return to the words, and listen as I read.

That acceptance allows me to change from desire, not because I’m judging myself. Judgement is about me believing I’m bad for being who I am. Maitri’s gift is to accept that I’m good as I am. 

I’ve been my own worst bully for much of my life. At the core of my thinking self is a pompous Grand Magistrate with his audacious white wig perched high on his bench.

Always ready to dole out judgment after judgment; you’re selfish, fake, and not worthy of love. 

I hear those judgements for what they are, attempts to keep me from risking showing up as myself. I end up putting on a contrived mask to protect myself. 

Those judgements are uncomfortable to hear; with Maitri, they are easier to listen to, and I practice loving them, and in doing so, I love myself. 

When I can muster the courage to forgive myself for hiding, I let my mask drop and show up as my authentic self—full of strengths and weaknesses, a perfectly imperfect human. 

That can be terrifying when I dare to show up with no mask, and I’m seen as myself. If they left, rejecting me, they would be leaving the mask, not me. I was safe behind the mask, but I never connected as deeply as I could when I wore it. 

In conversation, I notice when I’m not present. Half-heartedly listening and always looking for my moment to talk about myself. Here’s what I’m doing, hey… look at me. 

Or I’m trying to elicit sympathy by sharing tales of woe. Please feel sorry for me, and instead of seeking empathy and the connection it can bring, I can sit in self-pity. 

Why don’t I listen more? Why do I have to make it about me? Why do I lose the gift of the presence of the other by not listening to what they’re sharing? I become disconnected when trying to find a gap in their sharing, waiting to leap in. Or worse yet, interrupting so I can say my words. 

Are they even hearing me, injured by the ungraciousness of my butting in? Thinking, if he’s doing that, I’ll do the same. And we can both end up having a less fulfilling conversation. We can end up talking to ourselves in each other’s presence.

When I get brave with the ones I love, I sit down to connect at the heart level. I find nourishment in our conversation when I let them know I will be purposefully, intently listening. 

Will I be brave and let my loves know that I am actively listening and want them to give that gift to me?