As human beings, we all learn through a process called operant conditioning, where behaviour is strengthened by associating it with a consequence. For instance, a child may learn to clean their room by receiving an allowance every time they do it. The type of reinforcement used plays a crucial role in the learning process.

However, this conditioning can become an obstacle in our pursuit of attracting deeply satisfying relationships. It’s essential to unlearn old behaviours to learn new ones and, ultimately, change our identity. If you want to change your results, you must change who you are being, which creates your thoughts and behaviour.

The first step is to understand your human design, which is something that you’re naturally living and don’t need to embody (it’s like a  big permission slip to be more of you!). Then you can start the process of Deconditioning, which involves (internally) knocking down some bricks, rebuilding with structure and architecture, and removing interference. When we become congruent, we become a manifestation machine, hello aligned partner!

Your current identity is a set of conditioned responses resulting from what your parents (and the world) encouraged and rewarded, and let’s remember this kept us safe and alive because we all need to fit in. But, maybe it’s outdated and can do with an upgrade (especially if you’re not where you want to be).

To change your results, you must change your thoughts, which requires changing who you are being. Your personality is malleable, and you can become whoever you want.

To understand behaviour, you need to know the trigger or stimulus, the behaviour or response, and the reward or reinforcement. The stimulus can be an external stimulus, the behaviour is how you respond, and the reward is what reinforces that behaviour.

It’s crucial to unlearn old behaviours to attract deep relationships. You may be pursuing things that your parents want you to or what you think you need to pursue to feel loved and accepted. Detaching yourself from these needs and pursuing things that make you feel complete is key (because, hey you ARE complete). You get to change, and you can become whoever you want to be.

By undergoing the process of deconditioning and doing the work, you can gain a better understanding of your true self and your desires. This process involves identifying the patterns of behaviour that have been conditioned into you, and actively working to unlearn and replace those patterns with new, healthier ones.

One important aspect of this work is learning to recognize your triggers. Triggers can be anything that causes you to react in a certain way, such as a particular situation, person, or emotion. By understanding your triggers, you can become more aware of how you are likely to behave in response to them, and take steps to respond in a more positive and constructive way.

Another important step in the deconditioning process is learning to become more conscious of your thoughts and beliefs. Many of the thoughts and beliefs we hold are not actually our own, but rather have been conditioned into us by society, culture, or our upbringing.

By becoming aware of these thoughts and beliefs, we can begin to question them and replace them with ones that are more aligned with our true selves.

As we explored earlier, every behaviour we engage in is a strategy that has a payoff, whether it’s positive or negative reinforcement. By paying attention and being curious about the payoffs for our behaviours, we can expand our self-awareness and consciousness, understanding the depths of how we operate.

But how do we change behaviours that are no longer serving us? The key is to look for the hidden reward or payoff and be prepared to feel the uncomfortable feelings that we’re avoiding. For instance, procrastination can be an effective strategy to avoid feeling guilt, inadequacy, shame or confusion. Similarly, sabotage can be a way to avoid dealing with something that’s unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

However, often, getting what we want involves feeling the very feelings that we’re trying to avoid. So, to change behaviours, we need to bring awareness to our patterns of behaviour and sit with the uncomfortable feelings until they dissipate completely.

This process of changing behaviours involves the art of contemplation, curiosity, awareness, and wonder. By being willing to feel all the things that we avoid, we can achieve everything we’ve ever desired. It’s important to note that avoiding uncomfortable feelings will only perpetuate the cycle, and we’ll keep attracting and manifesting things we don’t want. But if we’re willing to feel all of it, we can break free from our patterns and achieve our goals.

It is also important to work on developing a strong sense of self-worth and self-love. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that our worth is based on external factors such as our appearance, achievements, or relationships. By learning to value ourselves for who we are, rather than what we do or have, we can attract deeper and more fulfilling relationships.

Finally, it is important to remember that the process of deconditioning and doing the work is ongoing. We are constantly exposed to new triggers and conditioning, and it takes time and effort to unlearn and replace these patterns. However, by committing to this process, we can gain a greater sense of self-awareness, self-love, and the ability to attract deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Are you interested to learn more about how to attract a deeply satisfying relationship?

I have created a free ebook that goes into all the juicy details here:

https://www.authenticwithella.com/human-design-lead